Here within the white we seek, and yet we never find it you know. Never. Life is so fleeting, the dream of the sun you mentioned. I'm not afraid to die. It does no good, being afraid. Death is just the same if we cry about it, laugh about it, ignore it, or embrace it. It's the same shade of nothing.

I don't feel old at all. But man oh man does twenty ever creep up on a person. I'm staring it in the face right now. It's terrifying.

This sounds like the narration of an emo kid's nightmare. It's the real deal. It's the dark scary cold misty sadness that only knowing how much fun it is to live and how awful it is to have to die can bring. It's such a far step back from the usual sunshine crap that the media feeds us. I think I'll have to hide this one from Grandpa. He's been feeling old.