I suspect Costin is dead here. I don't know why, but I just feel this way. And one more thing I'm suggesting here: Maybe you need to decide on which name to use for your male lead. Don't go alternating between Latcher and Dominic. The whole thing can get confusing after a while. Go for a fixed choice and be done with it. Apart from that, nothing much to suggest. But I do think whatever Latcher will be saying here will have a deciding impact on the plot and not just some kind of random one shot effect. At least I'm hoping things won't come to this stage. It will suck to know that whatever that has happened to Costin is only done for the sake for doing it. :S And I don't know what to make out of Latcher's conclusion why the gypsies chose to take him, Elena and Vlad in. Or to put it more accurately, I don't know how true his assumed reason is. After all, he's basically someone who can be considered by others as a cynic.

Finally, I've reached here. Thank God literally for that. :) Anyway, it seems that this is pretty much a filler with an ominous note at the end on a vital basis. Nothing much I can actually say here, but it seems that the gypsies might be stirring something unpleasant soon. Or maybe that's me. As for Latcher, it seems that Marnie couls see something in him that Elena can't. Make this story for interesting reading. :) Erm, sorry I can't say anything concrete here. Short chapter plus I'm having a bit of headache right now. But I think I will go on to the next chapter before retiring to bed for the night. :)

Reviewing as I go again!

When the old man is telling the story, you don't need it in italics. Also, you are missing some quotation marks that caused me to be confused for a moment. When writing multiple paragraphs of dialogue, you just need a quotation in the begging of each paragraph and then one at the end when they've stopped talking.

After the first bit picked up, I got into it, waiting to see what was going to happen. The thumping in his ears was a nice touch. It's good that he's going to finally tell her about Costin, guess I'll have to wait until the next chapter to see what exactly that is.

Now it's time to go eat. As always, looking forward to the next one. (And in case my message didn't get to you the last time, you can register on my site through the Forum.)

Hello again, I know its been ages since I've reviewed your work. I've been so busy during this summer that its been crazy. Fortunately, though much of that is over.

But enough about that, let's get onto the review. Since I haven't looked at this story for a while I reread the last couple of chapters in order to get caught up.

So far your story is going in a good direction. I really liked how you characterized Elena. She's someone whom is clearly out of her comfort zone and overall is homesick.

But at the same time, she's curious on what exactly had happened with Dominic. I'm interested to see how their relationship progresses including how Dominic knows Costin.

Marine character is great and the fact that you've managed to give her a dialect tremendously adds to her.

This is a surprise, for I haven't seen too many writer's on this site successfully incorporate dialect at all.

This was a great chapter and I can't wait to see what else unfolds.

P.S: I will also check out your new story Doppelganger and give my thoughts on it ASAP.

Reviewing as I go!
"Her “wolf” was nothing more than a caved figurine that had fallen from the rickety dresser." You forgot the "r" in "carved".
"It was as if a miniature best had been trapped within wood and fought to claw its way out." I think you meant "beast", not "best".
"The gypsy's woman's face was grave even against the blinding colors of cloth bundled in her arms." The whole "gypsy's woman's" is confusing. By that, it seems like you are saying Marnie has a woman and her face was grave. "You could try "gypsy woman's" or just say "gypsy's".
Good chapter. I really like Marnie, you really make her stand out, even if she might not be a main character. They all have their own personalities, which is good. Your dialogue always flows nicely and you seem to know just what and how much to place with it. I'm glad you were able to get another chapter in. And nice work with the ending, i'm looking forward to the next chapter so I can find out what it means!

On a different note. I've taken down all but my first chapters for the first two books in my series. Now the only place to read them is on my site (in the forum). It's a bit more protected there in a member only section (which means you'd have to register to access it). I'm sorry if it's a pain and I hope this doesn't keep you from finishing it. I'll continue to read/review your stuff of course.

Wow, great chapter, i am seriously hooked. i am still on the first chapter but i am going to continue reading. i am new at fictionpress so you are the first one in my alert list:D

Heyo. Me again. :) Anyway, sorry for being so late in reviewing. Got swamped in by review favours tbh. :S Anyway, I guess this is another transition chapter although the whole Gypsies part could play a certain role in the plot development. And with that being said, I wonder if Latcher will go batshit crazy if things goes wrong here. To be honest though, the Gypsies here seemed like the stereotypical ones who are superstitious by nature. Not a complaint or what not though. It's just a bit of observation, so you can ignore it if you want to. ;) Anyway, I smell a bit of conspiracy here. It really seems that at this point of time, there's not much Latcher and Elena can trust in even between themselves. And yeah, I'm planning to write a new chappie of The Eternal Grail soon. I think you've put it under your alerts, but I'm not too sure. But be assured that I'll send you a reminder PM when I get it up. ;)

*Detail
sorry typo

wow, you ARE great at detil, I knew there was a reason why you are one of my fav fictionpress Authors ;) I need not say/write more, you already know its god.

Hello there, I have to first apologize for not being able to review. I've been so busy with a lot of things and I haven't had much time.

Anyway, with that said I'll get to the review.

So far you're story is looking very good. The flow and transition of the story is as it always, smooth and effective.


I'm curious to see what really happened to Costin and the relationship he had with Elena. Likewise, I'm also curious to see Dominic and Elena's relationship work out.

the river scene was really good and easily highlighted some of Dominic's abilities.

Overall, Good job.

Welcome back! I just woke up, so I hope what I say is coherent! The only thing I saw that stood out, was Marnie's knack for reading Elena's mind. Unless she really is a mind reader, you might want to stick to only doing it once or twice. She may be able to read people well, and Elena may be easy to read, but even then, I don't think she could know exactly what Elena is thinking all the time. So, you might want to cut out one or two of those instances. You could always find a better way to work it in there if you need to.

Otherwise, it was a nicely done chapter. There were some parts that I really liked and found to be very unique to your writing style. Like this part: "Night seemed to of claimed his energy again making him appear as insubstantial as a ghost. She wondered if blinking would make him disappear, and let her eyes close once, and then open again—he was still there." And I've noticed that you always have some interesting similes/metaphors tucked throughout the chapter.

You do well in knowing how to end scenes and chapters. Well done. I look forward to reading the next one!

Awh. You finally updated! XD
I didn't expect Dominic to understand the gypsies' language. O.o and did you post any of the characters' pictures?
And how Dominic shared his body heat to Elena is heart-warming. :)

I love the way you start this. A hook is almost needed on this site to grab attention, and unlike a lot of things I've read, you managed to hold my interest throughout the chapter. Your sentence openers are nice and varied. Your character Elena feels realistic what with her worried about the dying man and yet still worrying over getting her chores done before she comes back to help him. I don't have much to say about this chapter, really. Besides how well done it is. I started reading the 2nd chapter but I'll be back after my nap before I comment on it - because I want to give you a good review and not a tired one. Just wanted to let you know you've caught another reader and I'll be back. Yeah...

~Reda

Well, all in all a good chapter here although I'm not too sure if this is considered a filler. But for sure Latcher knew how to take risks here. The scenario description here was rather well done as always and I truly wonder if Vlad can really turn for the better if you get the drift. ;) And I guess Costin is dead. Anyway, I'm starting to see a bit of chemistry sparks here between Latcher and Elena. Wonder whether you will play it up in the next chapter. Apart from that, nothing much to say except update soon. ^^ And yeah, sorry for the super short review with not real depth at all. My brain has gone bzt from sleepiness. :( And yeah, you're going on vacation now?

I only read the first three chapters, but I like what I'm reading. Your first chapter was just awsome. You had a great opening line which will without a doubt intrigue the readers. And then, you don't become very narrative, but go straight into action of your story. And I liked that. It kept me hooked, and as I read on, I felt myself losing myself more and more into your plot. So, keep up this great work!

Regards,
J.E.Wyatt