Wow. That me all tingly and goosebumpy, not in the good way. Even though the rhyming wasn't consistent, it still worked.

Nice content but you might have balanced it more. I like the beginning a lot, though.
~Liza

It's nice to see new material posted here. However, I have to say that this poem was mediocre at best. I didn't get anything from it and found it quite boring.

The style is interesting, but if you want to have an audience that cares, work on your delivery.

Wow, absolutly ingenious and amazing. I honestly can't think of much to say that wouldn't repeat it's in an awkward way. Anyway, excellent job, you have intense talent and voice in this, keep it up, Peace