what a creative story! most unusual--in a good way. i like how you combined your own creations with classic elements of myth and legend. good work!

Ha,just found out that this was a sequel after I just got done reading.

Starting off with what's working: The beginning scene pulled me in with the use of conflict right away. Also the descriptions were very well done. I'd maybe add a little more to make the feel stronger but spread it out a bit(fantasy type worlds should be expressed with more detail than usual stories).

The story and concept was interesting.

For advice, make sure you keep your characters in motion during dialogue. Give them something to do or a habit to make the dialogue scenes more realistic (it helps to develop your characters as well).

I would spend more time with each scene, dramatizing it more with added characters and conflict so the scene switching doesn't feel to perplexing for the reader.

Also, when describing a character's appearance, list only one or two things. The reader will fill in the rest in their mind. This is why when someone has read a novel and watched the movie adaptation right after, they come to learn that the characters in the film look much different than had imagined them in the novel.

And be careful with point of view. It's OK to switch after breaks or ellipses, but not within a scene. Keep to the main character's eyes, ears, and thoughts exclusively. There was a small switch in the ending scene.

With that said, awesome job.