|Reviews for Danse Macabre|
| Ellison P. Asantewa 5/11/09 . chapter 1
So I'm reviewing chapter one because you're not allowed to review a chapter twice. But, this review is for both, so here goes nothing...
The opening was decent in the way that it was kind of cheesy and predictable. Two minutes into the piece, I could already tell that this is probably going to be a forbidden love story by the way the characters were introduced (both slightly sarcastic and irritable over the littlest of things). But, it would be a pleasure to read more to see how said love story unfolds (if there is one).
The characters seemed like typical anime characters. There's nothing wrong with that, but they felt a little bit cut and pasted from various shows (ex: Dariussomewhat Inuyasha). A little more variety would have been nice.
The story is well written though. Although very simple, it has a nice flow to it. It's not lavished with big words but at the same time it's not too dry either.
Overall, the piece is enjoyable in the sense that some of the characters you can relate to. The basic idea is different from the usual and you really want to find out more about what will happen between Darius and Aislin (and even Jen). Two Thumbs Up.
| Ellison P. Asantewa 5/11/09 . chapter 2
I liked the opening. Although a little bit too predictable, I found myself wanting to read more. The characters are a bit predicable, but at the same time they seemed like people I know. The dialogue was a bit cheesy, but hey, it worked for the story. Overall, I enjoyed the story because it reminds me of anime, and oh! how I used to love anime! Decent story. It was well written.
| oniiiii 5/11/09 . chapter 1
*cute squirrel voice* eets gewd! rdy for ze next chappie _
| KagamiNoRyukuKai 5/10/09 . chapter 2
That annoying 403 error of fictionpress really can piss someone off _
Anyway, lovely story :D It's most certainly interesting in the way things are presented. Makes you wonder what were the histories like between Aislin and her previous protectors. Also, why must she be protected (it's not as simply as to just go to school right? Don't Sidhee have a school of its own?) That and the plenty of mysteries you have placed on this story makes it an intriguing read for the future :)
her power is certainly convenient, and I had a laugh at it when you called it 'Glamour' lol. It's somehow very fitting to the 'princess' image we've been seeing.
Darius also looks like a pretty interesting character, especially with the way he acts around Asilin in comparison with other females. Will see how this go.
Jen's going to be one of those rabid fan girls O_o *gasp* hope not XP
Great job so far, keep it up :D
| Aarushi 5/10/09 . chapter 2
awesome chapter :D I can see the romance between Darius and ASH-lin (thanks for that, I'd been pronouncing it wrong, haha) being kickass! I love how Darius thinks she's a stupid little brat and the princess and the peasant is overly cute. Darius is so hot in my head, any character pics? OMG i can't wait for things to happen between them XD.
And can I just mention, 300 is just about the worst movie I've ever seen.
Update soon please, glad the chapter's ready and only being edited because I can't waitt hehehe. Loving it :D
| Allie R 5/10/09 . chapter 2
Dude! Hahahahahaha, this chapter had me laughing the whole entire time. I love the antognisitc relationship they have. Totally brilliant! Update soon. ]
| lookingwest 5/10/09 . chapter 1
What a cool idea you have going here! I really enjoyed your characters and Aislin's people, it sounds like you have everything well thought out and under control!
One criticism is to watch your numbers, numbers that aren't so complicated to spell out should be spelled out. So I think you had a number 75, in serious prose, you should type it out seventy-five, and that makes it more professional. But numbers like 503 ect, don't need to be. You just kind of have to make the judgment, anything under 101 though, should definitley be spelled out.
I have to admit I did click on this story because of the name Danse Macabre, I was thinking the album by The Faint named Danse Macabre and one of my favorite songs Glass Danse...haha, good thing I checked it out further! If you haven't heard that album or song I suggest you look into it! Glass Danse is great!
Your story kind of reminds me of the books Marked, with the markings on her back and stuff, but it's really cool that you added the fae twist. I think I'm really going to like this and I can't wait until you post more!
| Sakina the Fallen Angel 5/10/09 . chapter 1
I didn't quite know what to expect here, and then to find out that it would be faerie orientated gave it a nice twist, a break from the vamp/wolf fics in this genre. Your characterisations and dialogue were believable, and I can't see anything wrong with this at all, other than to gripe about leaving us in suspense... :P
In essence, I really enjoyed reading this!
| spinelesslysweet 5/8/09 . chapter 1
whoa! this just took me completely by surprise, thought it would be just another high school drama but whoa, really! a big bang beginning huh? you did it well, i love how you write so sophisticatedly...really your writing has some serious class girl! moving on to the plot, im loving the suspense and the fantasy bit of it but i gotta ask, what are faeries? i thought they were something you had come up with yourself but after reading your reviews im kind confused. oh god, this better not be something thats very simple and basic coz then ill feel immensely stupid, lol. anyway, do write more coz i cant wait to read more, darius sounds like a hunk btw ;)
| Danielle Gin 5/8/09 . chapter 1
I liked this more than I thought I would! I’d never really been a fan of bodyguard type of stories, but the way that you’re handling this is interesting! I like the supernatural edge to it and that you don’t really know what all Aislin can do and the mystery behind her uncle’s death and her needing a body guard. And then the realistic aspects of Darius’s side are really good, too, what with Jen wanting to attach herself to him and then the technology being the way it was. It really added a certain feel to it, making it much more believable than just another girl-needs-a-bodyguard-and-they-fall-in-love story.
It’s really good! Great job so far and happy writing!
| Aqua-eagle Sunshine 5/8/09 . chapter 1
I read this because I was going to review it for the review game but then decided not to. However i liked it so i thought i would review it anyway. I thought the opening was good...except i wasn't sure what role 'Jen' had to play in it...maybe it'll become clearer later on. I wasn't expecting the supernatural part having not seen what catergory it was in...i was pleasantly surprised, i liked the idea of the princes and Faeriea. Darius seems cool...and I'm just hoping Aislin isn't one of those naive, guilable girls, that are totally useless. The ending was good...i liked the difference in their meeting it was unexpected, for me anyway. I think i might have to come and check in on this story when it's a few more chapters in. :)
| iamdeleted 5/8/09 . chapter 1
I'm very excited for the next chapter! I loved this first chapter! Plus, I havent read a well-develope faery story on FP in...well, never. I can't wait to see where this story goes. Update soon!
| Aarushi 5/8/09 . chapter 1
Great first chapter. I love the names you use, they're so uniquee (: I heart the suspensy elements. I'd love to read more of this story so I hope you update soon! I am actually afraid I'll love this story and you'll abandon it, lol.
| Vena Cava 5/6/09 . chapter 1
I'm really enjoying this first chapter. The action, the suspense, the boy, they all come together in such a balanced mix. :D
Although I don't really see the resemblance to MI. lol
I think the characterization of Darius is written to a T in this chapter. Which is very, very difficult for a first chapter. And I'm not just saying this because I love hot boys in general. ;)
The ending is woosh. XD I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. Lol. Write me more, please.
I'm excited to see the chase!
| Allie R 5/6/09 . chapter 1
Wow, I really like this! I'm looking foward for a second chapter. ] It seems like it's a run off of The Mortal Insturments Series, but it's still really good. ]