Hi. I just want to tell you that I really enjoyed this story. My two favorite characters were Ardea and Egretta. There are a few things I would like to point out though. You started out very well and your characters were all interesting, but towards the middle there were changes in their character that was not smoothly developed. For example, Jabali suddenly became very shy. Now I can understand this after everything she went through, but in the beginning she seemed strong and independent. Also, you suddenly gave Naja a flaw. There was no hint in any of the preceding chapters that Marcianus felt that way about her or that she was very cold. She didn't come off as a cold person at first, distant--yes. There were a few other things...oh. The boar that chased after Jabali. At first he had a personality and then he just turned into an instrument of plot. In one of the chapters the way he talked lacked any character traits, it was like you were talking through him and not he, himself who was doing the talking. I hope that makes sense. Also, you could use some more foreshadowing in the story. You began to hint at somethings and then those hints were just left there like in one of the first chapter it was suggested that Adrea befriend a maid. I honestly thought that something would come of it but then Adrea never even thought of that again and that comment was just...there. Also, there was the boar man who had kidnapped Jabali. He did it just so unexpectedly. I knew he wasn't like his uncle, but then why would he have opposed the war? Why would he have followed his uncle? His motivations aren't answered. There are a few more things, but I don't want to come off as seeming that I dislike this true or that I am flaming you. Completely untrue. I really liked this story, and I could definitely see it getting it published. This story is similar to things William Nicholson writes (one of my favorite authors).
I actually only decided to leave this review so that if and when you do decide to try and get this story published, you'll be aware of a few things you need to fix. Overall this is a wonderful story. One of the best on this site, actually. I will definitely continue to read more of what you may write.
PS. If you would like me to tell you any more of my thoughts, don't hesitate to ask.
Great job,
Ijo

Well, firstly I would like to apolosise for being such an awful reviwer! I have actually been following this story for about 8 months, and I think this is the first time Ive actually given you (or anyone, for that matter) feedback, so here goes...

I guess the start of the story is what really drew me in. From the first paragraph I could already make out how unique it was going to be, and what an original idea it was :D I think thats what made me continue reading, as it was different from the usual cliched love story, and very well written.

I also love the way each chapter is for a different character, as it keeps the story interesting because you don't get too bored with one person :D My favourite characters are probably Egretta and Karju, becuase Karju's evil-ness is kinda fun to read (in a sick way) and it makes a nice change from the rest of the characters and story. And Egretta...well, shes just hillarious :D I crack up every time I read one of her chapters :)

My least favourite charcter is Daciana, because I think she just acts like too much of a goody two shoes. And I always had a hunch that she would end up with Marcianus, but I never thought it would actually happen T_T. But it was a great ending for them anyway, so I can't really complain.

The plot was also wonderful :) It literally had me squealing like a fangirl so much that my mother would come in and ask what I was doing, haha 8D I don't really think that there is anything you could improve on that, it went at just the right pace and had me on my toes, although it would be nice for you to develop some of the other kingdoms too, like the Leos and the bears.

So yeah :) The ending was perfect, I love how Jabali had Karju's baby and it all turned out great for her, and how she is now preggers with Cals kid :D I was actually hoping that Jabali would have a miscarriage or something (I'm an idiot, I know) so she wouldnt have Karjus baby, but It all turned out great :D Ohh, and I love the fact that Ardea's still a single woman. I think it suits her well, although I can’t say I would have been sad if Sirtalis had ended up with her :P

So…that’s it :) Absolutely amazing story, it brightened my day right up when I saw an update :D and sorry this review is kinda bad, I’m not particularly eloquent, and this is the first review I’ve ever actually done.

Question: Is Naja really prgnant? or is she just lying to . . . idk . . . i don't think she is but if she is . . . she is.

Comment 1: I really like Sirtalis :D He seems like an honest, nice sort of guy . . . which brings me to cal

Comment 2: OMG. I am in love with Cal. Must be the horses thing . . . unfortunatly all the guys i know who ride horses are jerks . . . except for one of my friends. hes the farthest from it . . . anywho. Just thought i would throw that out there. its a close tie between Sirtalis and Cal, even though i know Cal much better . . . Sirtalis is . . . mysterious ;)

Amazing ending--I loved having that last final glimpse into each of their lives. Xanthus is adorable, Eleganus is a WONDERFUL name, and in summation: YOU. ROCK. :D Thanks for the fun ride!

I feel like puking . . . ugh. Naja . . . UGH! Poor Poor Marcianus!

You are definitly NOT the only one who wants to push Naja out a window . . . just thought id let you know . . . great work. cant wait to see how this ends, although im sorta afraid . . .

I loved it all.

Thank you for writing it. :)

uhm well my opinion is that it should be Cal's.. i see the pros and cons in both as well but i disagree with your statements as the rape being nothing. It destroys Jabali emotionally and mentally. and it will take time to rebuild her strength and trust. If it is Karju's i think it just adds a little bit extra that doesn't need to be there..she thinks it's Karju's but i think it would be nice to surprise both of them when it turned out to be Cal's

but that's just what i think

You left me in tears again. Baby Xanthus! I enjoyed this chapter. I thought Cal doing the soon-to-be-daddy act hilarious. Although Xanthus isn't his, I'm happy he's going to step up and be there for him and Jabali. Cal's the greatest. ^_^

Ardea's ending surprised me. I was literally going back and forth trying to figure out who'd she end up with, but this ending is more believable. I loved watching how her character developed throughout this story.

Is it weird that I'm not Marcianus crazy? Maybe I'm more interested in the Cal kind of guys. But I do enjoy reading the Marcianus and Daciana's chapter. Daciana's timid nature reminds me of myself, and I felt a little sorry for her in this last chapter. Who CAN compete with someone like Naja? I'm happy Marcianus is at least giving her a change though. Maye they won't pair up like I expected, but maybe a platonic relationship is better.
Anyway, I can't wait for the epilouge. This story is still amazing.

ADORABLE.

Ah, when they named him Xanthus, I almost cried! :D Cute, cute, cute...

Hello! So clearly it goes with saying that I ADORE this story, considering I've spent the last X amount of days inhaling your chapters. They were a delight to read because your characters are all so lovable. That's including all the snobby ones-Ardea may actually be my favorite character of all :] Egretta is just flat out entertaining. So snobby but so bad-**! Naja was the only one I had problems with. She's too perfect; perfect in the sense that she's an amazing kick-** character. But she was TOO self-sufficient. I doubt I'll ever see a woman (or man) like her in real life, but hey that's one of the reasons why we read fiction in the first place, right? And despite this, as a faux-feminist I can at least appreciate a character like Naja. Is it weird though that I love the idea of Viperi women even if I don't love Naja? As far as Jabali's unborn child goes, I personally feel that based on logistics alone the kid should be Cal's. I mean what are the chances that Jabali got pregnant after only a week or so with Karju when she was with Cal for several months? Of course this could just be me rooting for Cal. As for cons to if this child is Cal's, how then there wouldn't have been a point, a reason to the rape, isn't that what rape is? Is there ever a point, a reason, to violence? ... I"m just REALLY rooting for Cal here...

Yay, hope for the future. I say this guiltily because Naja is the single coolest chick I've ever read about, but I like Daciana for Marcianus better, just because I'm one of those "friends first, then lovers" people. Not that I'd know, or anything. ;)

Also, the dorky way they go about each other is adorable. :D

Hi.

Again, very wise choices from you! The ArdeaxSimus stuff was neither awkward nor over-the-top. And even if I am a little bit on the ArdeaxSirtalis side, I approve! :D

Honestly, you have some of THE best writing skills EVER. PLZ PLZ PLEASE try and publish it, I swear I'll be the first to buy it! O_O' um... sorry... hehe. But seriously, great job. I envy you for not coming up with this... I haven't even started my new book, all I have posted is sloppy writing from when I was in, like, fifth grade. Well, good job! ;D!