wow. that was pretty good. i liked it alot. but i thought how you switched the rhyming patterns were alittle off. if they were seperate, i would have liked it better. but overall, good job. :)

i really do love the beginning...but, sorry there is a but, i think you lost your flow of words towards the end of the poem. I do like it though, just make sure that the beat to the poem stays the same throughout the whole poem.

It's an easy mistake to make, i make that same one all the time. I'm only telling you to make you better, and because i was told and taught how to spot those easy mistakes in my poems.