|Reviews for Bruises|
| The Candle Thief 8/23/09 . chapter 1
"‘Home sweet home’ proclaims the doormat."
I enjoyed the irony in that statment.
"The pain is under her skin as bruises fade."
I liked the image of the lingering effect.
"He hit her again when she got back to prison that night.
Too bad she slit her wrists to get away from it all."
I think the poem may have ended better without the last line. It seemed too much like an afterthought.
| Kate Marshall 6/9/09 . chapter 1
Your [word choice] sticks out the most to me. Like the beginning line: "Bruises speckle her skin putrid blue and brown." The usage of the word "putrid" was so descriptive. Putrid makes me thinks of something decaying, and relating that word to her is sad. Like she's really dying herself. And also it hints at the sickening or revolting feelings the bruises give her; the memories, the pain, ect.
The [descriptions/images] you used were incredibly clever. "A bus of honey yellow climbs to her door." The adjective "honey" automatically gives me the feeling that the school is some place sweet to her. That it's a welcome escape. And then you oontinue that thought with: "Off to the one safe place known to her." Way to say something without having to spell it out for the reader. I liked the subtly of some of your descriptions.
The [subject] was a heartfelt and sincere one to pick. It's an important topic and apparently very important to you. And because it is something you care a lot about, the whole poem seemed very honest.
I think if you ever edited this, you could add to the [rhythm] a little bit. Even if it were just alliteration, some more poetic aspects would make this have a stronger rhythm overall. (Although I thought the flow was terrifically smooth, by the way.)
[Enjoyment]. Personally, I loved reading this. You described things in such a unique way and hinted at a lot of things throughout the poem. It was fun to read into the words you chose and the phrasing you used. This was obviously well-thought out, and I thoroughly enjoyed. :D
| Isca 5/21/09 . chapter 1
The word 'putrid' in the opening line was a nice touch-suggesting that the girl feels 'sick' or 'filthy' on the inside and outside.
The word 'sheet' in the third line reminded me of a crime scene-a white sheet is placed over the dead corpse to spare others from viewing the horror. Perhaps, then, the girl in this poem feels as though she's dead inside?
"'Home sweet Home' proclaims the doormat." The tone of this line is perfect and heart-breaking. Normally, one's home is a place of comfort and safety, but to an abused child, it's Hell.
Oh wow...the last two lines are very dramatic and intense. The abuse and blood imagery is very vibrant. Good message. The only way to prevent abuse is to spread awareness. Excellent work hun. :)