Oh wow. This was just so wonderful.

The sheer emotion in it was so immense and the mother felt like she was telling a story and yet recounting everything in her life and then, warning her child at the same time.

At the start I felt this would be another cliche, sad story but no, you worked it out really well and eveything came after the other beautifully.

Wonderful!! (it's the second time I've said it!)
Narq.

I really enjoyed it. :)

how old was she when she finally realized she was pregnant?
Over all I love the morale and how you wrote. Your style is pretty good.

It's a great story. At first I thought it was awkward that she was writing this kind of letter to her son, but I guess a woman in her position wouldn't really care about being embarrassed. The last few paragraphs were really powerful, because it seemed almost as if I were the son and you were writing to me.

This is candid, gritty, poignant and realistic. I thoroughly enjoyed these words of wisdom, and it's certainly a thought provoking piece. Great work! ~ Luke

I really like this story. The line, "I'm feeling something for you - something that I haven't felt in a long time." was very sweet.

The way you portrayed a drug-addicted mother was very convincing, I feel. People can be so quick to write off a person who has addiction, but I didn't feel disgusted when I read this piece. I more or less felt sympathy for her. That's important, and I think you did it wonderfully here.

A few things worth noting:

some of the wording was kind of awkward to read. It's not terribly jarring, but it's enough to disrupt the flow of the story. A good suggestion would be to read it out loud and see if you don't trip over the words. I'm like, an obsessive freak about the flow of a story, and I always kill my larynx reading whatever I write out loud. It's kind of sad, hahaha.

I'm left wondering what Nathan's current relationship with Mama is. It's probably left out on purpose, but it still catches my attention. And who is that girl he was with? Did he fall in love with her? I can only guess and draw my own conclusions from there.

Anyway, good job with the story. Reading about a mother's love was a nice change for once.

This is a very thoughtful piece of writing, one which makes you marvel at the power of maternity. I loved the fact that although the woman seemed to be an atypical (understatement, anyone?) mother, she was still trying to impart some wisdom for her child. The overall effect is honest, candid, and touching, if not sobering.
Syl
P.S. If you have the time, I'd love for you to check out my story "Max and Ruby"!

Herro there. Thanks very much for your review on Circles of Arven btw. :) Anyway, I really like this work for the feel of reality. It's like I'm watching a documentary on negative society if you get what I mean here. To be honest I don't really mind the issue on drugs and sex here since these two aspects took a back seat compared to the focal point of humane struggle. I really like the way the narrator phrased her words. It's like you brought forth her regrets to her unborn child and the life she had went through. But than again, I thought pot wasn't addictive?. Or is weed and pot the same thing? I'm not too sure here except that there are people who wanted weed to be legalized. At least I think it's legal over there in Holland after watching the second Harold and Kumar movie. :S Anyway, thanks very much for your review on Circles of Arven again. Hopefully you can pay this one back via the same work. :)

Well the flow of the story is good and simple, But so far the character seems like a dumb girl to me, um no offense, she seems like someone that doesn't know what she wants in life yet...

It was pretty deep, a drug addict mother who wanted a good life for her baby, that is sweet and sad at the same time...

Blazn, Via the Roadhouse.

Excellent, excellent story. I loved the narrator's voice, very authentic. It really sounded like she was that open of a person. Even through all the things she's done, there's still that huge part of her you respect for her openness and, at the end, her love for her child. Lovely story. The sex wasn't forced into the story, it was just part of the journey. I really enjoyed this. There's a movie called Waitress where the lead character is very frank her her baby diary, too. You might like that.

The only possible CC I have is that you might consider editing the story to change the drug. Maybe to something like Heroin? I think rich guys are more likely to do the more expensive stuff, as well as shoot it up. And it has worse effects on the body, I believe, which would help the doctor's unspoken diagnosis.

Great job all around!

i really like how you introduced this. at first i didn't know if she was talking to her real boyfriend calling him baby. but then as things started moving along, it made sense and was very clever.

i think the sex part was written very well. more girls than you would think are careless about who it is they lose their virginity to and i think you touched upon that nicely. i like that she tells her child to not be like her. it's a very real feeling that a lot of mothers might think.

the part about shooting up pot is totally unrealistic though. at first i thought you were talking about meth or heroin or some other hard drug. you smoke pot, not shoot it. and you would get fatter, not skinnier. plus it's really not as addictive as you are portraying it. at least not in that way. she would lose a lot of motivation and be generally chilled out, but i didn't get that feeling from what you were writing.

however, other than that it was an interesting read that i enjoyed quite thoroughly. i like the speaker's regret and honestly. that part really rings true.

overall, nice work! keep it up!

That was a really powerful short story ~ at first, I thought that the speaker was writing to or even talking to someone her own age, her latest lover? But then, slowly, it began to dawn on me that when she said "Baby", she literally meant it.

Tragic, but brilliant!

~ Sakina x

For a while I thought this was written to a lover, but when I got to the "when you're older" part, I realized it was to her unborn child. I liked that; it's different.

However, I didn't like the "shooting up" part. You don't shoot up pot, you smoke it or you eat it. I'm sure you CAN shoot it up, but really, who does that? It wasn't very realistic and kinda confused me, like, "Wait, is there heroin involved too?" Also, if she's just doing pot only, then she shouldn't be getting thinner, she should be getting fatter. Munchies make you eat a LOT, and pot makes you lazy.

Heh, do you mean "Crank" and "Glass" by Ellen Hopkins? ;) Those books were fab. :)

Blessed Be,
TLP.

I liked this story very much. Not only was it very well written, the subject was handled very competently. The sex and the nudity were handled very tasteful, were not in the least awkward and felt realistic. That is not an easy thing to accomplish.

I also liked the open ending. For my taste that is far better than downright telling us whether she died in childbirth or later from drug abuse.

Very mature were the matter-of-fact style and the non-judgmental attitude.

Lastly: it read easily and for me that's always the hallmark of good writing.

I liked the consistency of the tone throughout because it illusrated how everything had happened and that the narrator accepted it all that had happened.

I'm not sure yet if i liked that you didn't let us know what happened to her, whether she died giving birth or not. I'm thinking it sort of worked.

The way you didn't cliche it by making her into a 'good girl' at the end was original. I enjoyed the realism in it and once i started reading i couldn't stop.

A very intresting piece :)

Maybe my tastes are different from yours, but I adore soft, simple kisses! I love your writing, since you have avoided condemning the narrator for her recklessness.
" I’m feeling something for you – something that I haven’t felt in a long time. I think that this is what people call love, but I could be mistaken. I’m not the smartest girl, after all."
I almost cried, because I feel like the narrator sometimes, as though I have never known love.