"the moon's chill embrace-"... chill seemed odd. I expected it to be chilly or chill's

I really like this as well. As with your other piece your descriptions are really powerful. I also like your use of hyphens here, they added a nice flow. I also like how you used second person because I can imagine it being me in the situation.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or Review Marathon (link in my profile)