I like the clear descriptions you have on the movement on the piano; I can see the action in my head, from the narrator's viewpoint. I also like the line about the voice being strong like he taught the narrator to be- it sort of ties the whole thing together. In first half- before the intruder enters- seems to be a metaphor for her life before he enters (harmonious.) That really added something to the piece. I'm very sorry if this was in any way based on a personal event, too. Overall, this was really, really good.