Wow.

"And when you push me, I pray you catch me as the sundown disappears." I think it's the word "sundown" that makes this line so striking.

"Nightmares and train fares." Nice rhyming. Stunning pairing: fear and monotony.

You have such an ease in your words, a strong sense of purpose in the storytelling but still wrapped in enough beautiful metaphor.

Thanks for your kind review :)

Jack

That poem really gets to me... like I've experinced something so much like it... but I don't know...

It's moving imagery, but it's not too strong. Excellent.

Amazing. I liked the raw emotion that came out of the words. Every time I re-read it, I got different bits and pieces of the story that I didn't process before. Great poem.

Wow! That's all I can say. WOW! :D

I would quote you but I would pretty much be quoting the entire poem.

Love it.

...

WOW! Lol! xD

great job! this was very well done!

Wow.

This is really intense. I love the florescent phantom, that "No one forgets how to breathe."

Brill!

This poem creates lovely images in my mind. In the beginning, you say that the memories "flood the sky," and the image I got was the light of the sun "flooding" the sky. So the ending where the "sundown disappears" is a fulfilling and satisfying conclusion.

I especially like the parallelism in the lines "No one forgets how to breathe" and "Do you remember how to breathe?"

:]

Absolutely amazing! The imagery you used in this had pictures painted in my mind and I could feel what the main character feels. I loved the lines, "Do you remember how to breathe?

Your lips bleed the oxygen I need." and

"and when you push me-

I pray you catch me

as the sundown disappears."

Just wonderfully written. Enjoyable to read. :)

Adding to my Favorites