This is an entertaining, good story. I like how you spark the little bit of fear people have in vampires, and even in a period where these literary creatures are mostly good, you grow the spark into a full-blown flame evan as you don't focus on how horrible they are.

My only complaints are a few spelling errors (i before e except after c, mostly.) and the chapters are very short. I would try to combine a few together if I were you.

tabby

I just read chapter 1...and chapter 2 seemed to have skipped over a lot of information.

Okee-dokee. One negative: ...fact, eveything that was proff she...

Some spelling errors in the past chapters, some grammar, but mainly small stuff. Otherwise, I like anything that claims to be anit-twilight. (check out the vampire comparison on my profile!)

YES! An ANTI_TWILIGHT! WOT! I loathe Twilight with a passion...

Liked the last sentence - its shortness and they way it is separated makes it quite suspenseful.

I like the anti-Twilight thing you've got going with this. Just one thing - I think the first sentence could be split into two; it was a little long and confusing.

I quite enjoyed the chapter, it had a good plot basis, but I think you should proofread a little more carefully, but still great. The Y chromosome idiocy thing is really funny. I wish it was longer, I couldn't really get into it. Good, overall, keep writing!

~fairytaled

[The Y chromosome seemed to carry idiocy, a sure sign that the person you were dealing with was a man.] Haha, aww. XD

And yay, Mr. Sire has a name. And it is Adam. o:

Well, this chapter was also very short. I feel that you could have expanded upon Layla's thoughts. It just seemed way too fast, how she immediately set out to hate the world after seeing her mother laughing.

Eh, well, nice description for both of them. Now I sort of imagine Layla as one of those badass vampire chicks who keeps a gun and dagger strapped to either thigh while she kicks butt big time. XD

Keep on writing, the plot is a little slow in going, but it's definitely going.

Velvet.

How unfortunate for Layla. Is her mother really like that? Terrible, just terrible.

Uh, this was a really, really short chapter. I don't have much to say. I think Layla's Sire knew that she would find that scene. I also can't help but wonder if it was an illusion, too. Hmm. Interesting.

Nice, short chapter.

Velvet.

Ooh, what is with that guy? He's so rude. But no name yet. :P Mrawr!

[She could consciously see him and hear him grumble, "Shit." and pick her up, throwing her on the bed] Eh, this seems very awkward to me. I think it's the period after "shit". I think, the whole part, just before "and" can be a sentence, and then the rest another sentence. Two compounds -and, but, or- in the same sentence are usually seperated by a semicolon, but this sentence can't use one, so it would be best to make them separate sentences.

[It was the deadly attraction of the Sire. He felt...responsible,] O-ho! So he's the one who turned her. Heh, well, I guess his attitude sort of does match the way his voice sounded in the previous chapter.

Haha, I didn't really mind the dust talk. It was actually very descriptive of the place Layla is in now. Dark, old, maybe it creaks at night. :P

Well, now that Layla has been fed, what will she do next? It's mystery only to be solved in the next chapter. :D

Velvet.

Aah, she's in a dungeon/chamber?! Worse off, it was that vampire who brought her. Hmm, but who was the other speaker? Is he the same one that was found drinking blood? O:

[No mice skittered, no dogs barked, no small kittens rubbing at her feet.] For some reason, I have a feeling Layla's going to turn out to be a very snarky and sarcastic character. XD

[Openeing the door at the top, she peered out.] They should prolly put locks on their doors. XP Also: Opening.

[peircingly] piercingly.

I can't help but imagine that Layla's life is about to take a strange turn as she finds out what happens to her. Good chapter, I liked it.

Velvet.

Ooh, what a nice little cliffhanger to leave off for the first chapter. Now I am intrigued. Very much so. ;D

Hmm, first line of non dialogue was a fragment. :\ Try putting "They were" in front of "Leaving" so that the other sentences will make more sense.

Layla is such a pretty name. She didn't have such a pretty past life though, huh? Well, at least they're leaving.

Kinda confused, since reading the dream sequence thing: did Layla get bit in Massachusetts, or Cali? If in Cali, I wonder what's going to go down in Massachusetts.

Eh, only two things that seemed off to me: One-

[small tear slipped out of her Sapphire colored eye.] Er, is sapphire suppossed to be capitalized?

[Layla carried her bag up to her room, for a couple of days, they would have to wait for the rest of their things to arrive.] The first part, before the first comma, would be good as its own sentence. Plus, it would make more sense.

Other than that, I would like to say I liked how you described the house. I know, that might be a little weird, but despite the simple wording, I got a clear picture of what the house would look like.

Onward to the next chapter!

Velvet.

Hiya, there! Took me a bit, but here I am. :D

Okay, for a first chapter, I must say this one was very short. Like, really very short. It was probably just a glimpse into what this story is really about.

Hmm, I think the first paragraph was full of interesting bit of background info, not just on the girl and her mother, but also about the place they moved in to.

[On this first night she had just needed to get out and adjust to all of the changes in her life. A monster waited in the shadows, stalking her, waiting for his prey.] These two sentences transitioned way too quickly, I'm afraid. It just randomly goes to a monster, I think you need to find a transitioning sentence to go between them.

I assume whatever this monster thing is it'll be a sort of werewolf/lycan creature from its animalistic form.

Er, the last sentence of the fourth paragraph and the last paragraph were really confusing. The moon has powers? Are they on Earth? And was it in the monster's best interest to let a human girl bite it? Wouldn't a monster have skin that is impervious to human teeth? I mean, unless the girl is part of those teeth sharpening cults...

Also, I don't know how morally sound your monsters are, so excuse me as I encroach on this ground, but wouldn't it be more monster like if this creature tore her limb from limb rather than go for the throat? Just a suggestion. It just seemed like you were trying to get through the prologue as quickly as possible and provide as much detail for it. :\

Other than that, you're grammar's good, I can definitely see a plot in the working here, and while your main female character doesn't quite have a name, I would love to see how things work out for her. I will continue on at a later time, but for now, good story.

Velvet.

i love it! post more soon!

honestly i love it hahaha but im a little confused so the italics was her dreaming? but it ended up being real... okay... ill bite hahaha post more soon!