And, when he held her hand while walking home in the middle of the day after another successful break from school she felt so calm she could have performed heart surgeries, or conducted symphonies.

I love that line, even though I don't like that it's about Rob. And I thought that was a much better than most sex scene- even if it involved Rob. I really, really don't like Rob.

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Wow, I knew Colleen and Alice didn't get on, but i didn't realise Colleen hated Lucy that much! here i was thinking Colleen didn't call her because sLucy didn't give her her number so she assumed she didn't want her to call. Well, there you go. the power of multiple perspectives. I like the multpile perspectives here, it was nice to see things from everyone's point of view. Sometimes I find that a bit repetitive or awkward but this was neither. Nice.

Par usual I'm enjoying your sparse style. I'm enjoying the overall emotionalism of the story, and how you haven't weighed it down with cumbersome diction.

Though I'm not finished I look forward to the rest of the tale.

this chapter felt a lot more frantic than the rest, like some big change is about to happen. which is obviously is, and I'm glad. it's exciting. can't wait for more.

("The fact, though, infant was" should be The fact, though infant, was)

As much as I hate to say it, because I love getting your updates, I think you let this one out a little too early. It’s not your usual lean, perfected writing. Usually it’s pruned of anything unnecessary or redundant or wordy or laborious (lol, as I, obviously, considering that sentence, don’t do), but here quite a few sentences stuck out. I’m not going to point them out, cause I know you’ll get them, but I’ll send you the typos that are harder for the author to see anyway. I think I saw more because the difference in writing style kinda jarred me away from just being swept along with the story as usual. Having said that, and feeling pretty damn mean right about now, I really enjoyed this chapter. It ties everything together nicely.

Right, so typos:

fourth?
incident/ few incidents?
here?
difference?
missing word(s)/punctuation?
The fact, though infant, was already rooted to her mind like a tumor?
Backing?
here?

I guess as in real life, I'm still unsure of who's side to believe in this. maybe they're both telling their truth, or what they believe of it. Wonderful writing as awlways (are you sick of me saying it yet?) marred only by a few typos and things:

Immerged. emerged?

always neutral, always hesitate. Hesitant?

crotched down beside her. Crouched?

“This was the second time that Rob had been taken aback by both sisters’ strong outbursts.” I felt that was a bit unnecessary or laborious? Your writing is usually so sort of neat and spare, it felt odd.

"Mike; the smarter of the Yeller’s two children, and flunked out of the last semester at the University" no, no typo. just loved that line.
"Lucy’s questions had been thick; one after the other." yeah, i loved that one too.

I was slightly hesitant to read this because of how your summary made it sound, but I'm going to read on anyway, the way you've set it out is interesting.

I'm dying to see where this goes.

One thing: “I wanted you to think I was cool.” That line is the only thing that didn't sit right with me. It sounded more like an adults explanation.

Great work, more soon please!

this is very well written, I can't wait to read more.

Yay! an update. I've missed this. The break has reminded me anew of how wonderful your writing is. Truly, i sit here, full of wonder. The structure is, i dunno, perfect. The slowish suspense of teh first bit, the hot despeate running (ok riding, whatever), the washing up at Emmy's door, teh little flashback to holds us in suspense that little second longer. The final line is perfect. :happy sigh:

*Lucy’s her hands began to shake* - either Lucy's hands, or her hands. Not both... =p

Good chapter. Good feeling description, not too much on the scenery, but the feeling of being startled by something in the past and dropping whatever is in your grasp. Good and relate able.

Every chapter gets me more interested in the story. Your writing is really good. However I suggest that in your flashbacks that you change the style to italic, then back to normal afterwords. Visually it makes it less confusing for the readers. Some kind of heads up that a flashback is coming. I always begin reading them and then realize oh this is past event.

*The boy shock (Shook) Tia a few times
*Rob put his hand to her check.(Cheek?)

Ok that party thing? Was that the past? It doesn't really fade like a memory, it sorta confused me. If that's the past, of the last night? I'd suggest making it all italics so you can easily tell it's not current situation, and if it was I'm even more confused lol.

Very good story, I'll get to reading all of it, but with dial up, no promises to be made.

That first chapter has got me stuck. You are a really good writer. Every detail is interesting, craving me to want to know more. You also do a wonderful job writing in present tense, that's one thing that I have always failed at. For some unknown reason whenever I write it always comes out in past tense. I'd like to be able to change that after my first few novels. I'll continue reading, waiting to see what is about to happen next.

This is excellent. I'm impressed at how early on the characters became fully fleshed out people who I cared about. I really can't tell if you're better at poetry or fiction- you're truly talented at both. An all around fantastic writer. Keep it up.