|Reviews for The Rabbit Hole|
| Terras1fan 4/17/13 . chapter 27
Oh God. Jericho isn't dead?
Damn. I don't know how I feel about that. Then again, I don't want Butterfly alone for... eternity. Endings should have a bitter sweet taste sometimes. Makes them appear more realistic to me.
Anyways, I do love the story. Intriguing plot line, though I am hazy on how the whole special energy ball (which name escapes me and I'm too damn lazy to go back and find) was supposed to work. Why was it made? And what possible use could it serve other than doing what Lucifer wanted? Did God make it? If so, how'd it end up on earth?
Overall, the story progressed nicely. It was slow, not rushed, and though a bit cliche with the whole we-hate-and-fight-so-much-that-we-must-love-each-o ther but it was well done. Characters were well developed. The plot line was unique and creative.
If I was to have a beef with the story, I would complain that there were uncertainties regarding the relationship between Grey and Alice in the end for me. She hates him, then she has sex and loves him, and then she hates him, and then is back in love with him. Maybe if you slowed down the pace and added a chapter between the Gabriel tactic of dividing the group by having a Mimic pretend to be her dead father? I mean, that whole action seemed relatively unnecessary in the long run and could have been removed. It really served no purpose to me other than to mention Grey's bad history.
I do love that the story is not just some romance where the girl is an idiot. She's smart, and she does in this mythical world possess some special power that is long hidden or obtain a special ability magically during the story. I would have raged for so long if Alice had become an Immortal or something like that. I like her normality, though I do find the whole innocent virgin a bit tiring as a cliche. Once again though, she was a well formed character, so I'll let you keep your cliche without me complaining about it.
It's hard to be annoyed when you have real characters on pages who talk and you immediately connect with. You seriously have skills in the dialogue department. I find the conversations just sound fluid and normal. It's very hard to capture that. However, as a trend, authors who are very good at that tend to have problems with clarity in writing.
What I mean is . . there were times where I was confused where the characters were location wise, how much time had passed, who was saying the clever quote, and where x character was walking to. If you are reading and suddenly get very lost, it can take a reader out of the narrative and then you have to go back, reread and figure it out.
Lastly, you mentioned this on the first chapter, so you know it already. But seriously, typos. Type in a word doc file! Spell checker will catch things like: "durring." (:
Anyways, I feel like I've praised you and criticized somewhat equally. Hope you continue to write.
| Terras1fan 4/17/13 . chapter 17
I don't normally review completed stories mid-reading, but I have to say the following:
"You sound different?"
"I do?" Alice asked.
"Yeah, you sound not like a virgin."
At that moment I knew I loved Alastor more than anything. May I keep him?
In all seriousness, I love your characters. They are really well developed. I feel like I'd be **hard pressed** to find a secondary character who slightly resembled a Mary Sue. So job well done there.
| makemebreakme555 4/7/13 . chapter 7
Hahahahaha I just have to point out and mention that Alice being high is one of the funniest things I've ever read! You played it off so well, her blabbing was hilarious and my favorite part was when she said "No, I always sound like this. I just dumb it down for people like you." Epic! I feel so bad for Butterfly and Jericho, but I do enjoy you including them in this story, it's a cute side story. Love love LOVE you way of writing. Truly an amazing piece :)
| Silver-Wolf-218 2/17/13 . chapter 1
| HeadOverHeelsInHate 2/17/13 . chapter 28
Awww! That was really cute and well written! I love Grey and Alice! The ending between Butterfly and Jericho kinda confused me though. If he doesn't know her how does he know that he loves her? In my opinion it would have made more sense if before he responded you said something like 'his heart twinged in recognition' or 'a sense of peace and familiarity flooded his senses' or something. Anyways, awesome stor!
| Guest 1/16/13 . chapter 1
I don’t know how to review properly so please bear with me :D
First, I really enjoyed reading your version of Alice in wonderland,(let me tell you I haven’t read my penguin’s copy until now but I’ve seen the movie)
The first half or maybe two thirds was totally engaging, I was laughing at Alice’s quirkiness the whole time and I enjoyed their bantering.
And grey’s devil-may-care attitude is totally swoon worthy(his looks was just a plus ;p)
I like the idea that you incorporated forbidden love between Butterfly and Jericho, but you should have elaborated the tainted and the ancient world more, because to be honest I was totally confused. And you also said Grey’s just like human, but how did he become part of the division (since you mentioned that “the division” was a group of ancient), so his father was ancient too? Or maybe you did mention who was his father, did I miss it?
I don’t have a problem with you changing POV’s since it was nice to know what’s on their mind, but the misspelled spelling was totally affecting your grammar and I had a lot of hard time understanding what you were trying to say. Also the remaining one third was a bit dragging and kinda boring, in an instant you changed Alice’s spitfire persona to a tamer one…
Despite its flaws(hoping you’d take a look at this and try to edit/revise), I would love to buy if this ever get published :)
| Ms.Jennylautner 12/28/12 . chapter 28
Okay so I finished it ! And... I'm speechless . Best story ever ! I'm amazed on how you came up with these things ? Your imagination is so big and unique You're a true genius ! This book is the best I've ever read . I really mean it ! I've probably have said this to a lot of other stories but .. Hands down ! This story is officially my fave of all time It has everything I like to read . The characters were truly brilliant ! Grey was so swoon worthy , Alice was adorable and funny , Jericho was wise and such a good angel , butterfly was so sweet, even the bad guys were lovable . I can't wait to read more stories written by you . You're so talented it makes me jealous . Lol , I hope you and your talent go far and I can't wait to hear about you and your books if you decide to get published . I'll definetly buy this :D so yeah I just probably stop rambling now . Thanks a bunch for writing this and letting people like me enjoy it !
| Ms.Jennylautner 12/26/12 . chapter 1
Soooo.. I read some of your reviews and this story sounds awesome ! I can't wait to start reading it :D
| Saenka 12/21/12 . chapter 28
It's original, fun, full of great and very likeable characters.
It was a great reading that I could not let go and I just feel sorry that it is over.
Thank you so much for that amazing story !
| Guest 12/10/12 . chapter 28
This story is SO incredibly amazing and seriously one of the most well-written stories on fictionpress. I literally thought I was reading an actual published book for most of the time! This story is so smart, suspenseful, and a real page turner. I absolutely loved the characters and that Alice is just too hilarious. There were several times when I actually laughed out loud from the stuff that came out of her mouth. I loved her so much and it was quite awesome because my name is also Alice HAHA.
I haven't read a really really good fictionpress story in a very long time so I am so happy that I found this. I hope you continue writing stories because it's obvious that you have so much talent!
| HajariSheep 12/9/12 . chapter 28
Possibly the most well-written story I've ever read on FP! Loved it!
| Kikinii 12/2/12 . chapter 2
Amazingly intriguing beginning chapter.
| LehCarXRachel 11/27/12 . chapter 1
I have fallen in love with you.
I love your writing, your stories, your characters GAHHHHHHHHH
You have no idea how much I LOVE THIS STORY.
This story is HILARIOUS but so freaking well thought out, there's so much to the plot and I love how everything connects together guh this story is fantastic 3
I love Alice,Grey,Butterfly,Jericho,Gabriel,Alaster,Naomi omg, all of your characters are so funny LOL.
The way you write is hilarious but you also do a good job of making scenes dramatic.
This story is a A for me.
Probably my favorite story on FP :)
Please continue to write!
The Rabbit Hole deserves a bajillion favorites & reviews I LOVE THIS STORY.
| InkWitch 11/21/12 . chapter 3
Ok, the whole POV switching thing is getting to me a bit.
| InkWitch 11/21/12 . chapter 2
I think I would have preferred if you didn't keep switching between POVs maybe you can change that if you ever edit this.
But other than that, good writing, lovely dialogue and gorgeous outline. Can't wait to finish this.