"Heart Bleeding"... bleeding

"Trying to stand out why can't they see"...phrasing seemed odd here. Like it needed some punctuation or something.

"Pretending to smile is to much to bear"... too much

"When its over they will see"... it's

"Invisible to every around"... did you mean everything?

I do like the piece though. It seems very realistic. Just don't forget to edit.

This is very well written, but just so sad.

~Yusuf

Wow i love it. Favourited and ill look at your other stuff. Well done.

Creepy...awesome.