 Frosthold 2009-06-17 . chapter 1OH MY GOD. Creepy, creepy, creepy! Glad i didn't read this before bed. Oh my god.
Oh... ok, so. Here is me being really picky about stuff, because everything was pretty much perfect. Here it goes:
I love the way you describe the setting. Its really cool and sets just the right tone for the rest of the story. Also, you have a really distinct voice, if that makes any sense.
How did Jamie get to the cafe before the narrator? Why didn't they just go together or something?
"My trail at struggling failed, and they continued to drag me away with ease."
Should be trial.
Scary stuff. Great work!
-Frost |