Here's your shiny review! (And I'm sorry it's so late!)

One thing I lied about your story was the detail--how you described the woman as being robotic, the freshamn loosing his money, etc. It adds very nice imagery. On another note, I also liekd how you divided up the different parts with Roman numerals, ;) And the intro was very interesting as ell, with a hook that lives up to it's name--a hook. :)

But there were a couple of things I didn't like--for one, with the subject matter this story handles, I think it was much too long. Also, I'm not particularly fond of your writing style. First person is okay, but the way you delivered it was a tad bit confusing.