|Reviews for Of Dukes and Peasants|
| Elizabeth Cross 10/16/10 . chapter 38
:) I adore this story. GREATT :D
| The Imagination Addict 10/7/10 . chapter 38
Hi! I know you’ve probably had LOADS of praise for this completed story, but I want to add to that bundle! I LOVE your use of the English language. It completely suits the setting in England back then! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your story and have no complaints whatsoever. I do have some constructive feedback to give as well, should you be interested in re-working this story to better it. While you have manipulated the English language pretty well, you’ve chosen a difficult style to write, resulting in certain inconsistencies when you use the various past and present tenses. Eg. In chapter 33, you wrote “In Serena’s opinion, the Cradwell looked more stunning than she can ever be!” It should be ‘could’ instead of ‘can’. I think you tend to mix up the tenses due to how vivid everything is in your head and how present it is to you. My suggestion, for when you’re checking your work and unsure about the tense, is to split the long sentences into short and simple ones. The tense used in the shorter sentences applies to the long ones. Eg. “In Serena’s opinion, the Cradwell looked stunning. She COULD never be as stunning.” Also, sometimes you slip up in style and it sounds a tad too modern. But on the whole, fantastic!
By the way, I was completely ADDICTED to your story. I couldn’t bring myself to stop reading it! And when Derek finally realized he liked Serena, OMG, my heart clenched repeatedly. It was like this delightful yet painful feeling in my chest. Hey, any story that can evoke a PHYSICAL response is undeniably AWESOME.
| admeliora123 10/6/10 . chapter 36
This was an interesting read. But I have to say that your use of constant exclamation points to end a character's thought got very trite.
| MakeItHappen01 9/20/10 . chapter 38
No I changed my mind. My favourite chapter was definitely the one where the Duke was working.
I adored this story. I started out slow with reading the first few chapters but from chapter 8, I read the rest in a day. It was that good and addicting.
Great job! :D
| MakeItHappen01 9/20/10 . chapter 26
Definitely my favourite chapter so far. :) I love the corset bit.
| honey1112 9/19/10 . chapter 38
This is a great story! I think you can easily improve your writing cause you are very talented..
If you need an editor for your coming work you can contact me if you want. I'm not aprofessional editor, but I do edit my friend's stories a lot.
This is my email:
Hey can you answser this survey, it's a research i'm working on. Thanks!
Keep up the great work!
| starlight-angel88 9/11/10 . chapter 38
WO! Amazing story! Loved it! You're a terrific writer!
| Kristina Suko 9/7/10 . chapter 2
"fortune hunters conspiring for their hefty title(comma) but was"
"dissuaded by his little jewel: who preferred" - either a comma in place of the colon, or a semicolon and "Serena preferred"
"It had been delivered late that morning when he didn't have time to read as he was too irritated by the hopeless serenading of a suitor." - this is sort of an awkward wording. Perhaps instead of "when he didn't have the time to read" it could be "and he hadn't had the time to read, as he had been too irritated..."
"made him forget of the whole afternoon" - no "of," just "forget"
"wasting another minute, began writing a reply to a marvelous plan." - you forgot "he" (he began writing a reply)
Why did Alexandria's laughing alarm the servants? Laughter,to my knowledge, has never been a sign that something bad or unpleasant has happened. If anything, it would maybe startle them with its heartiness, but then make them perhaps smile or laugh along even though they don't know what's going on. I wouldn't ask someone if they were okay because they were laughing. I'd assume they were fine and something good had happened. :)
"It alarmed some of the servants (comma) who were doing their morning"
"It's been so long since something interesting happened to their dreadfully dull lives, but now they finally have something in their hands to devote their long hours to—just as it had been back in the good old days." - is that a thought? If so, indicate it by italics or "she thought", otherwise... "It had been so long... but now they finally had..."
""Are you alright, my lady?" A concerned maid courteously inquired." - the a should not be capitalized, as the following sentence is in the form of a "he/she said/asked" and the entire portion is one complete sentence, not two separate ones.
"the more then replied with much cheer. "Of course, dear girl, I've never been better!" " in following with the above rule,since she's replying and you've said so, the period should be a comma. :) (all preceding sentences with replied/said/asked should be ended with a comma before the dialogue, not a period)
I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to review right when I read this, but craziness happened. I'm enjoying the characters so far, even though I haven't seen too much of them. :) The story is quite intriguing.
| redambrosia 9/6/10 . chapter 38
I really really think you should make a sequel, but with her children! This story was magnificent and I'm glad I read it through A Drop of Romeo
| H.R. Hall 9/5/10 . chapter 3
Just finished the first two chapters. Can't wait to read the rest!
| Kristina Suko 9/5/10 . chapter 1
"Nevertheless of the uncomfortable summer heat" - I don't believe that nevertheless can be used correctly in that sentence. Nevertheless is like saying "However" or "after all." Notwithstanding, despite, disregarding(all with out the "of"); in spite of, regardless of... etc... are all words/phrases that could be used instead.
"everyone donned on their" - saying "donned on" is redundant; "donned" means "put on."
"deserted hall way" - hallway is one word.
"mentally plotted on making "- the "on" isn't necessary or correct.
"Being the sole heiress of an Earl; thus, as the undisputed head of the group," - The first part of this sentence needs more to complete it. As a rule, semicolons should only be used if you could easily put a period there and both parts of the sentence could stand on their own. (You could just take it out and say "... sole heiress of an Earl, and thus the undisputed head of the group" as an easy fix.
"Victoria Britton, a brusque blonde and daughter " - and *the* daughter"
"unfit for the Duke of Norton(comma) who was rumored to be arriving at the party."
"The remark(comma) with its usual haughtiness(comma)"
""I heard the Duke will be bringing their son with them today." - their and them? The Duke and Duchess. Or... his son with him. ;)
"John Marshal, son of a Baron and the eldest of the group at eleven, corrected." - this is awkward. Perhaps make the middle bit a new sentence- "John Marshal corrected. He was the son of a Baron, and the eldest of the group at eleven." to make it flow a bit better.
"He didn't stay very long(comma) though(comma) so I"
"Like Serena, he was an heir of a less renowned Earl" - the heir. Generally there's only one heir, and it sounds bit awkward to say "an heir of a." (you could say "the lesser renowned Earl of _" instead, to make it smoother, if Jeremy and his sister(s?) are all going to inherit equally.
"the noble family who was once said to be a common presence " - who had once been said to be, not who was once said.
"the little Duke she once saw " - she had once seen (when the story is in past tense already, all matters of the past for the characters are "had been, had seen, had done" and not "saw, said, did"
"Together, they looked superior and almost adult that Serena felt" - either "they looked *so* superior and almost adult that Serena..." or "they looked superior and almost adult (comma) *and* Serena felt..." -
"He had grown over the period of time since she had last seen him so that now, she had to strain her eyes by slanting them upward." - Another somewhat awkward wording. Maybe do away with the "so that now" and simply put in "and" (preceded by a comma), and simplify "she had to strain her eyes by slanting them upward" because looking up generally doesn't strain the eye. That wording just sounds a little funny.
"The Duke's friend, a dark haired boy with a friendly smile(comma) talked"
"Partners appeared in a blink of an eye(comma) "- the blink of an eye.
"she found her usual partner Emily already snagged by Ashley." - awkward wording, switch that around- "she found that Emily, her usual partner, had already been snagged by Ashley."
"Victoria with the Duke as a matter of who will be left out." - who *was* left out or who *would be* left out. Will is present tense.
"Duke and Victoria(comma) who was more than happy"
"Tears were stinging her eyes and blurring her vision; " - since the previous sentence made mention of Victoria, you need to bring the focus back to Selena by saying "Tears were stinging Selena's eyes" so that it's clear Victoria isn't the one crying.
"Duke of Norton for as long as her rage would allow her to." - the "to" is unnecessary.
I love the beginning of this, and I'm looking forward to reading more! I would give you much more praise (I hope you don't mind the critique too much; I tend to be more alert for errors in stories I really enjoy.) but I have to dash off to work! I will be back later today to read the first chapter.
| AnnabelLloyd97 9/2/10 . chapter 38
aww I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH! I wish life could be this perfect.
| Candescence 8/27/10 . chapter 38
Nice story. And like I said before, you should add some drama in the beginning. Like maybe have her grandmother alive then die, since her grandfather is sort of needed for his role. Congrats on completing it.
| Candescence 8/27/10 . chapter 26
Aha! Finally, some action between the two. This chapter made me laugh.
| Candescence 8/27/10 . chapter 21
I've noticed that you have a thing for words that have un- as the prefix. They're everywhere. This story so far, seems like it's dragging out. If you ever come back to edit it, you should add in more drama to the beginning middlish part. Like you should have Serena's grandfather die or something bad happen to her just to make it more interesting and to keep the readers intrigued.