I am in LOVE with this story! My friend sent me the link on my phone, and I brought it with me everywhere reading it. I love it! Zalen is, to say the least, amazing. Brogyn (what a crazy unique name, I love it, it fits her so well, where did you come up with it?) is such a strong willed main character, I think thats great. For some strange reason, I'm kind of feeling a love triangle coming on between Zane, Brogyn, and Zalen. That would be awesome! In terms of critique, I think you should change the entire story into general point of view. That way,you can easily change settings without confusing the reader, as well as getting inside the character's heads at the same time. PLEASE update soon, I have to know what happens next!
-C.D.Francis

I have to say, this is for sure one if my favorite chapters yet!! I love how Zalen really doesn't care much about Zerina :) I just can't wait for Brogyn, Shaun and Tory to come! Haha, so hurry and update...again! :D

AHH! That is so awesome. I can just see it in my mind...

So I found out you can't submit two reviews for the same chapter! Or else I'd have commented on all the others by now :) I think you need to move the part where it's Brogyn's 18th birthday until after chapter nine. Unless her birthday is a day after his (that's when chapter nine occurs). And, of course, UPDATE! :D

great story! i love the suspense that Tory's visions create, and i'm excited to see how they fit in later on. I like how in the floating city everyone's names start with 'Z', and i'm kind of wondering about Zaina'a hair, she must stand out quite a bit if everyone else's hair is black. i hope we will get to find out why this is fairly shortly,
anyway! great job, keep writing!

*Squeal* I loved it! And I absolutely LOVED Zane! You probably have all of this planned out but just as I was reading this I imagined Brogyn coming to the city and falling in love with Zane :) Hurry and update, please! I want to see Brogyn and Shaun and Tory come to Zelenia!

That was good! I was expecting him to be some hero or something and they wanted him to complete some quest...It took a while for me to get the time to read this but I'm sure glad I did! This chapter was absolutely GREAT, but one thing that's bugging me (sorry, I'm OCD about these kinds of things). It said that Zaina carried a bundle and she threw "it" to him. Then she gave him the second package. There was no mention of a second package. Altogether though, this is one of the best chapters yet! It's like I'm reading a book in progress...I wonder what will happen with Brogyn? I'm excited!

OH! I like Brogyn. She has a major chip on her shoulder and a very perplexing power. Can't wait to find out more!!

WOW! I really enjoyed your first chapter. It has grabbed my attention. I will have to keep reading now. Thanks alot...sleep is a good thing (so I'm told!)

Wow, I'm really excited for the next chapter! I just found this story and was able to read all 7 chapters without stopping, and now I have to wait and it's killing me!! I want to see a comparison between his old relationship with Zaina and his relationship with Brogyn. Does Zaina (or Brogyn) have feelings for Zalen/Collin? Does he feel them back. I also want to see how Zaina will react about Brogyn and Brogyn the same, if she ever sees Zalen/Collin again. Hurry and update for your loyal readers :)

At the beginning there were just a few past-present errors. "full moon sends bright light across the fields" and "There is a storm" and "cold wind tears across the fields". It's really difficult writing in present tense because it's natural to slip into the past tense like you're telling a story that already happened. I also wanted to see more of a transition between the passing time, just a preference. Sorry, I get so critical once I finally overlook the awesomeness of your writing :) Remember you're doing a great job and please keep it up!

I'm glad that we're seeing the future characters. Collin is making me suspicious...My guess is it's the blonde haired girl from the vision. There was a mistake, though. During the vision when the dart wizzed past her face. "Mine was probably working overtime" is supposed to be in present tense. Sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine, catching these little things :)

I loved this chapter for two reasons: 1) you did a great job portraying a young Zalen and I liked how they thought The Edge was a monster--original 2) I like how Brogyn finally looks at her future. It seemed like she was just throwing everything out there and seeing where life took her--which she probably was--but it's nice to see her truly WANT something.

Wow, that's a cliff hanger if I ever saw one! I hadn't realized she could read everyone's mind, I thought it was only Collin. Maybe that should be made a bit clearer. So far, you did a great job with the present tense; some writers have difficulty with that. I really hope you continue it because this is really good.

I'm very excited to see where this goes! Especially the relationship between Collin and Brogyn. It seems like you have a lot in store for this :)