TVSK,

I liked the word play in the opening line between the words altogether and together. It opened the poem with a comedic glimpse into the horrors that would later arise.

I found it quite interesting that the speaker described the night as being 'fluid' and that the stars were 'frighteningly insistent.' It's almost as if the speaker was afraid that the night would 'envelop' her in darkness and awe.

"But I see it." I love how profound this little line is. Immediately, the reader becomes aware of the fact that the speaker is different from the other humans on earth--she is much more 'present' and 'aware.'

I also found it interesting that you left it up to the reader to figure out who her 'brother' was. Is their relationship incestuous? Is her brother cruel to her in another way? Is her brother dead--trapped in starlight? Is her 'Brother' really the Night, the Moon, or Space? I love that 'the brother' could be all or none of those things.

The water imagery at the end of the poem is divine. The 'black sea' allusion obviously reminded me of the myth regarding the Argonauts. I wonder, will the speaker drown in the sea, while staring up at the 'blurring stars'?

Keep up the great work,
-Isca

I like it, and it has some very cool descriptions, but it seems like the real point it starts forming never... forms. You never describe the whole brother thing past one line, and that line just seems out of place. I guess I don't think it gives enough. I think that maybe you should have left the whole brother thing out, then added more to the poem or something. Or like added more about what the brother parts point is. I don't know, but I did like the poem anyways.