this was too gorgeous, i actually have no criticisms

This is beautiful. I especially love "the molasses eyes of men/as they syrup you, butter you/from collarbone to calf." So gorgeous. Of course, I have an affinity for food similes & metaphors, so that could be part of it. I think the only line that really falls a bit flat is "as if He struck gold too heavy to lift out." I'm not sure why, but something about it just doesn't work as well as the rest of the poem. Maybe it's just because it's ended with a preposition, so it doesn't feel as polished as the rest. Not sure. But other than that, this is a beautiful piece. Keep writing! :)

"I'll go to sleep in the fog." This opening imagery, along with the thought of 'lying down at its feet,' is both highly sorrowful and spiritual.

"The molasses eyes of men." Brilliant. The 'm' alliteration allows the 'sensual' nature of this poem so soar. Excellent work here.

"I dream of that." Hmm, the speaker dreams of a man's touch? How interesting. ;)

"I am forced to call him God." Now that, indeed, is very fascinating. The speaker feels forced to call the bird before her God, but why? Does she see beauty and long to know its source? Does she feel as though sh must call 'something' or 'someone' God before it's too late and she loses the little faith that she had? Needless to say, I found this line very cool and thought-provoking.

i love, love, love this poem. for real.

okay, honest truth: i've read it before, more than once, in fact, but never reviewed. but only because, at the time, i couldn't understand, couldn't grasp the meaning you were trying to explain.

then, i read your joint story, and saw the poem, and re-read it as if Tuesday was writing it, and i- somehow -got it. just like that.

your writing is beautiful, and this poem is beautiful, even before i really understood it. great job.

I honestly think this is really good. You seem to capture a lot of what true poets try, which is nature and spirituality. And I'm not just saying that- I really think you'll do well when you write for this character. I think I might just check out that story :)

Well I love it and have no constructive criticism. lol. I adore this part: "In the fog, love, you touch my arm" The whole poem is just very...evocative.