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Are you on crack or something? LOL just kidding (sort of).
It's pretty good, but I agree with the other person. You should've introduced what was happening instead of jumping right into the story, like explaining why they were there and who was speaking. But besides that the descriptions feel dream-like and lurid, so that's good (i guess).
~Your bitchy BFF, Grey.

This story has a nice, fluid descriptions, however how it started is a little confusing for me. There is really no frame of reference, and so it is hard to get a feel for what the dialogue means. I think this is why in CW classes they often tell you not to start with a quote. Clarity aside, you have certainly given the beginning of this story a nice tone and I would be interested in seeing where you go from here.