Although it was short, I loved this... the Angel's chilling and I love your foreboding writing style. Great work! ~ Luke

it was a really good chapter. very detailed and mysterious(yeah, i can't spell)
i think i'm gonna enjoy reading this.

This chapter was intense! Everything was explained, but there was still a cliffhanger at the end...ooh! The Angel of Death is creepy! And the king is awful. Good thing Little Carmen took care of him. :)

You've got a lot of different angles to play with right now. It seems like you could either highlight what's going on with the towns people, the King, or Carmelita herself. It'll be interesting to see where you go with this.

One thing that I'm not too fond of, and this might just be me being nit picky, but you used a lot of the same words close together. Chaning up the words helps keep the story exciting while also giving you more chances to describe certain things differently.

All in all, though, nice work!

Hello Fop, Interesting tale you have here.

I like the information you are giving and it flows well, there are some parts where the flow is ruined, but you get back on track fast enough.

I do not like this king, a man who can lay a violent hand upon the woman he is married to, is no king, he is a beast, enough said XC

What does an i sound like like XD I really want to know, I can't even begin go wrap my mind around what an it might sound like...

Indeed different from what I read before, it's a bit how to put this,put more intense and interesting words in the important parts.

This was definitely a new one for me :)

Very interesting start to a story! Your descriptions are beautiful and your writing flows really, really well. The ending makes me want to read on, nice work! ~ Luke, pay it forward.

poison angels and princes oh my. good work.

good story lots of intigue. again alot of little mistakes like forgoten words and such that really take away from the story.

good job, there were alot of little mistakes though. maybe you should read it outloud so you can catch them before you post
good work though

I'm beginning to wonder the same thing as the princess...Little Carmen is such a mystery. Just when I think I've started to figure things out something happens that changes my thinking. This story is keeping me guessing which is nice and interesting. Great job!

This sort of reminds me of Phantom of the Opera just a little bit. Love it! I can't quite decide if I find Little Carmen creepy or not. She certainly seems to know a lot about what is going on in the royal family. I really liked the way you described the guards dying. It was unique and interesting. Great job! :)

You switch tenses almost every sentence (I find this very hard to follow) and there are words missing in places, i.e. "it took a few moments for the clumsy guard to realize that the centaur before ? was indeed his king," leading me to believe this hasn't been edited with much care. Personally I dislike your frequent usage of one word twice in the same sentence, as in "Her heart started to beat faster and *hard*; butterflies started to flutter *hard*, almost making her feel sick to her stomach"

good chapter it def answered all my questions!

i wonder how the princess is going to adjust to all these changes

carmelita is a great character. i think you could maybe add a little more detail and such to give it more substance. but over all great job as usual

xo saint
(from the roadhouse with love)

What the hell...M Wilridge is a GUY?!!?

And aw, thanks for the thanks!! :)

~ Sakina x