I appreciate the attempt. But hopefully you've learnt better Japanese by now.

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Ah, believe it or not, after three weeks in Japan, I understand very little of this x_x

But I was surprised at how well I was able to enjoy this regardless, kind of like a song in a foreign language that you don't understand, but it still has a good sound and catchy beat.

I like how "Watashi no kokoro" and "kore wa kokoro desu" (my heart/you are my heart?) have a parallel sound to them. It gives a nice pulse, which you also created with the insert of "doki doki."

I the next line, I like how most of the vowel sounds are the same. It reads very smoothly.

So, sorry I can't actually comment on the wording. It surprised me that you managed to make this so poetic even though you're only beginning the langage. I sure as heck wouldn't be able to write something like this in Spanish ;

I do like how you inserted the "doki doki" in the middle of the phrases. Assuming my Japanese is correct, and that doki doki means something "thump (of a heartbeat)*, it makes the poem a lot more...believeable in terms of emotions. At least in my opinion.

What I didn't particularly enjoy was your use of the word "imasu" in the first line.

Though, there are two wyas you might have gone with this:

1) If you're learning Japanese at a beginner level, which you most likely are, as you said you'd be taking it next year, you should know that the "-masu" form wouldn't be the best in this type of poem. "-masu" indicates a greater form of respect, like children talking to adults, or employees of a company talking to their CEO or boss. I'm thinking this girl who is speaking is talking to no one in particular, or maybe even her boyfriend himself. With that, the regular form, which is something like, "-ru" would be better.

2) If I am correct, "imasu" is not a word. The one you probably meant was "imasugu".

As for the rest of the grammar, everything looked fine, :) And sorry if it sounded like I was preaching or bragging, heh.