You're very talented with imagery and in using your skill, you've created a beautiful piece.

"His life isn’t like the day
Because his breath won’t be coming back in the morning"

I really like those lines, and despite the depressing tone throughout this piece, I think that it's beautiful and that you did an excellent job in writing it.

Nice work.

Hey,
Aw! *cries* I love it :)
ranDUMM

Wow, this was really good. Your imagery was clear, and the ending was solid, and heart breaking. Nice work!

Ok, this was REALLY depressing! But, it was well written. My only critism is that the first two lines seem to be missing words.

Kind of emo, good work though somewhat depressing, but that's the point or otherwise it wuldn'r be called what it's supposed to be.

Keep it up.

Wow. I adore the imagery in this poem of a child who is broken like the boat he used to play on. I really love the metaphor present in the lines "He wishes he could reach the sky/Capture the last of the day and hold it to himself forever/Nearly as much as he wishes he could stitch back together the sky/To prevent it from bleeding any more". The poem's a bit of a downer, since there is a prevalent feeling of hopelessness throughout, but I like that; it matches the theme of mortality and that nothing lasts forever.

Minor typo: in the line "Slowly but surely its swallowed by darkness", its should have an apostrophe, it's.

Great job! That was a wonderful read.

This was beautifully written. You really created an image in my mind and the sentences were lovely written.
Good use of describing words.
Well done :D

I'm going to add this to my favorite stories list. You have created such detailed images in my mind and have beautifully potrayed so many aspects of life. I really really love it.

The whole poem was beautiful, but I really felt that
"He clings to the light how he clings to his life
So tight, but it slips like smoke through his hands
His life isn’t like the day
Because his breath won’t be coming back in the morning"
was so beautifully written and so true. It took my breath away.

I would love opinions from an author like you on some of my work here on fictionpress! Honest opinions/feedback would mean the world to me!

"A broken boat waiting for a broken child." I love that 'broken' things attract 'broken' people--that's both sad and beautiful. Perhaps only two broken people/things can heal each other.

"He wishes he could reach the sky." The tone of this line is lovely. This male character is very genuine.

"His breath won't be coming back in the morning." I love this ending. I also love the fact that this man seems to sense his own death. He knows that he probably won't ever wake up again.

Keep up the great work. (:

"He clings to the light how he clings to his life
So tight, but it slips like smoke through his hands
His life isn’t like the day
Because his breath won’t be coming back in the morning"

I loved that part the most, so true. Life isnt like the day; we're sure the sun will rise everday, but not sure that we'll wake up everyday. Or something...I really liked this poem! =D Very great imagery!