I'd like to find out what ends up happening. Thanks.

i want to know!
plz =]

Alright I'm going to give you my honest opinion. I think that the story would be better if you slowed things down a little. Your missing a lot of grammar mistakes and punctuation is O.K. Try getting a Beta-Reader. Try to desribe things better, and put some of the main characters thoughts into the writing. Try to have them visualized by the readers. Luke isn't described, nor is the girl. I can see that the story would be improved if you turned this chapter into maybe a longer one with description or maybe split it and have one telling of the party from Luke's point of view and the after affects. In the next you could put this chapter in but more with actual words.

It's just a suggestion but try it out.

The story is quite interesting and it could possibly be a BIGGIE on the site.

Try the Beta-Reader