wow cool!

scary...then funny...! I read this at midnight and i dream that happened to me...except i dont have a brother...!

You should make the text less block format-like. You should also use your commas more wisely and try to organize the text a bit better.

Internet reading is different then book reading, and its a bit annoying when th text is as blocky as yours. I used to do it to, and a lot of people told me that it was harder for them to concentrate on my story.

I found it a bit hard to concentrate on the text, but again, I see potential, and if you work on it, hey who knows?

Keep working on it

PB