very cool, well written and the alst line was awsome

I liked it.. It was a nice twist on the legend.. The king was the perfect antagonist.. The rage of Pandora awaits..
M

This is a very interesting story -- I really like the complex affair you have going there. It's very poetic and compelling.
However, you're doing a really weird thing when you write this. You keep switching between writing it as if it was an old myth and as if it was a modern story. The most glaring example:
"COME INSIDE FOR A MAN’S NIGHT OUT. NO BETTER PLACE TO BE TREATED RIGHT THAN HERE!"
Honestly, I burst out laughing when I read that. I thought you were turning this into a parody or maybe going to make it... how to explain... there is this thing that is sometimes done, where a story is told with characters that are referred to as the "princess" and "prince" or "lion" and "lamb" or "tin man" and "scarecrow" even though we the audience can see that they are actually normal humans walking around in a modern environment, and it's done to make a sort of analogy of that character to the thing they are referred to as.
Anyway. I thought that's what you were doing. But you weren't.
And that sign is just... well, it's blatantly in modern English. I'm not saying you should change it to "Ye olde brothel", but I strongly disbelieve the people of that time would use language that way.
You also do this in some other minor instances.

"Very people were fond of this king. And they were the few wealthy families close to the king in relation." You should join these two sentences -- have a comma there instead of a period. Also, it should be "Very few people". And furthermore, the last part of the sentence really isn't important. It never comes up in the story. So why are you telling us?

"He was the king of Greek - a brutal and menacing ruler." Should be "Greece".

"Many people have attempted assassination, but they all failed and paid the ultimate price." That "have" should be "had", and "all failed" should be "had all failed".

"With each additional murder attempts, the king became more arrogant." Should be "attempt".

"He was biased against the fair and did not care to enjoy the animals and circus tricks." Then why was he going? I think this point is distracting and does little to add to the story.

"He examined the sign. The sign read:" You can change the second "the sign" to "it".

"He felt as if he were the most important person in the world, even more than Zeus." This one's a bit nitpicky; you can ignore it if you want, but if you want this to be clean I suggest you change the last bit to read "even more important than Zeus".

"In fact, he was scowled upon; a few folks even tossed decaying meat at his feet in disrespect." I think this would have greater impact if you changed it to "Instead, he was scowled upon. Some even tossed decaying meat at his feet to show their disrespect." Shorter sentences tend to have more impact. Words soften the blow. And this is a big deal, this is a /King/ being shown disrespect in public.

"The king came to know about Pandora’s secret affair with Adonis, courtesy of the servant." I think this would flow better and be less redundant if you changed it to something like "And thus the king came to know about Pandora's secret affair."

"After the feast, the king forced to perform an exclusive erotic dance for Adonis in pure nakedness." I think you mean "forced Pandora to perform", no? ;)

"He then ordered oil to be poured all over her body. She begged for her life, but mercy never came. The king was handed a torch and within seconds, he engulfed the woman in flames. She screeched like a harpy as her flesh cooked in the flames." I think this would have greater impact if you left off the last sentence.

"Pandora, not doing anything wrong, had an untimely death. Her soul wanted to avenge the king. " We already know the first sentence, I think you should leave it out and change the second sentence to "Pandora's soul..."

"They ate in silence, the sounds of clattering silverware echoing silence." Grammatically, the last bit should be changed to "echoing in silence". However, I also want to point out that you are repeating yourself. (They ate /in silence/, the sounds of clattering silverware echoing /in silence/.) Get rid of one of them.

"Even knowing the fact Pandora did not wish to keep him warm in his bed, the king had her abducted against her wishes." The first part is redundant; we know that he knows this -- she just old him so in the last sentence. I suggest you change this to "And so, the king..."

"He walked into the tent; it was red with floral patterns; and he knew what it was. It was a bordello, full of women dancing around erotically. He found the dancers to be sexually arousing and decided to stay awhile. He binged on strong beer, fulfilling his sexual gratification as the dancers danced on his lap suggestively. Many women took turns dancing for the king; all of them stripping of all of their clothes for him. But he found fancy with his last pleasure act, a young dancer named Pandora who seemed to be the most modest of all of the dancers he touched. He was lured by her rare beauty and wanted to make her his mistress. But Pandora did not agree. She refused his abrupt request, because she was already in love with a man named Adonis. Even knowing the fact Pandora did not wish to keep him warm in his bed, the king had her abducted against her wishes. He kept her in a locked room adjacent to his own, only visiting her at night when he grew amorous. Pandora, without the knowledge of the king, made Adonis stay in the house across from her window and saw him steadily, communicating through the barred window. One day, a servant, who was jealous of Pandora’s beauty, spotted her flirting with Adonis. The king came to know about Pandora’s secret affair with Adonis, courtesy of the servant."
I think it would have better impact if you separated this into two paragraphs, splitting it at "Even knowing..."

"But Pandora’s soul is still waiting in the easternmost room to avenge the king to this day. It is said that if Pandora was freed from her prison, her vengeful soul would spend an eternity unleashing hellish evil of all sorts until she kills the king with her hands. When she is released from her prison, all of the Earth is doomed, because she will not stop until she finds the king who no longer alive."
You use the word "soul" twice very close together here. I think the second one should be changed to "she". And "released from her prison" is repetitive of "freed from her prison".

"He ordered his carriage and demanded that he be taken back to his palace. As the horses trampled through the dirt, he saw a large sign near a tent. He had not been inside the tent, and the seducing music and giggles caught his attention. He yelled at the driver to stop. He got out as the carriage rolled to a stop. He examined the sign. The sign read:" This part contains all sorts of unnecessary details that are awkward because you don't detail the actions out like this for the rest of the story. You could easily shorten this down to two sentences.

Haha. In spite of all that concrit, though, I really did enjoy this story. I love mythology and poetic romance stories, and I think the drama that you created here was quite good. ^-^

Wow. I never would have though Pandora would be expressed this way. Isn't the man she was to be married to exceptionally dimwitted? In that myth, wasn't she the first woman in the world?

You have truly made an entirely different myth. Good thing it isn't on FF.

~Kendall

I like your version of the story better. :) It's definitely more exciting.

Watch your verb tenses. The story is told in the past tense but sometimes you throw in a few present tense ones that shouldn't be there. Example:

"He was a brutal and menacing king; he would do anything to get what he wants,": "wants" should be "wanted". "he would do anything to get what he wanted."

Also, in the first paragraph, you use a lot of "he". Maybe try: "He was the king of Greece -- a brutal, menacing king. He would do anything to get what he wanted, even if it meant killing innocents."

"Man's Night Out"? That line made me chuckle.

Overall, great job! I hope you'll do more reinditions of other mythological stories. You did a nice job with this one.