|Reviews for Title Pending|
| Amaury 7/11/09 . chapter 2
"Kait’s face was pale, her body bandaged in all sorts of ways, and her glued shut."
Supposed to be eyes somewhere in there? Small typo. :]
"As if that were an apology, Zach smiled his clueless grin. “Yeah? And that night, I didn’t call because I knew you were going to purpose to her, Bro.”"
Spelled "propose" wrong.
Ah, that's so sad. Nice job though. Your descriptions were really good.
So how long are you planning on making this?
| Danielle Gin 7/8/09 . chapter 1
You do a lot of telling as opposed to showing. What I mean is, rather than say that Kaitlyn was the highlight of his world, why not show it through examples and scenes? When writing showing something to the reader helps create an emotion connection, rather than just telling something. It helps make the reader feel as though he or she is living the scene. It’s a useful trick! Another thing I noticed was that you used a lot of commas where periods were needed and some of your phrasing didn’t make sense. Having a beta would help with the grammatical issues and give you an outside look on your story that, as the author, is difficult to see. Over all, it’s an interesting piece. It’ll be interesting to see where you go from here.
| Amaury 7/6/09 . chapter 1
._. You said be harsh. Being harsh.
Don't say "you." It doesn't sound good in writing, unless you're using second-person and a few other rare situations.
"All the problems seem so far when you have a heart of gold and a girl of steel. Although, a heart of gold isn’t always what a person really wants"
There should be a semicolon before the although, turning it into. "..steel; although, a heart.."
"...'s" sound okay in speech, but in the story itself, it's best to avoid it. Not a big deal, but usually it looks better without.
"“What do you mean?” she shot me a dirty look, holding a cup in her left hand."
Capitalize the S in "she." You made the mistake a couple of times.
Overall, it was really good. And the grammar wasn't bad. :]
Very sad. Wasn't expecting the ending.
_ She lives, right?
| Silverglade 7/6/09 . chapter 1
I think you wanted the reviewer to be harsh on grammar so here goes.
I think you can remove the hyphens and just put "After high school, the summer after graduation was the best time of my life."
Maybe I am wrong, but I never heard of hair "chopped around", maybe "fell down to her shoulders" might work better.
"Crystal Blue eyes are mesmerizing" I think that's the correct word.
"just your siter", should be sister.
I think emotional would be fine, instead of overemotional
"she wanted so much to thank me"- not thanks
The dialogue between the characters is the best part of the story. It reveals the deep chemistry that Kait and Tyler have. The ending is very tragic.