Now this chapter was like the old Fop. I love the intensity of training from the Devil and I also like how you kept him as monstrous as he should be. Great!

I only see the over usage of 'She' in that paragraph while she was getting to fire those fireballs which is an easy fix for you. I love how she is the Reincarnate and that just adds to the mystery surrounding her.

I thank you for snapping back to yourself, and if there were distractions before hopefully you have over come them. The talk with her bodyguard was cute, and I'm glad you did not drag it out, since it does not seem to be the real focus of this particular chapter, but I know our beloved bodyguard will be there to keep the drama going.

Much better chapter but always a joy to read..

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse

Okay so you really want to slap M around hunh? Okay what ever may float your boat, but I am demanding...(Yeah I'm a fan so I can do that) that you bring that venom and poetry back. This chapter seemed forced. I know that she is not happy with having to marry but I know you can write really gripping imagery and that is what this chapter needs. The explaination of the now horny Angel is not clear, so is that to be a mystery?

As for the fact she is threatening to punish him, you could give us a clue as to how she would do that. The angel seemed to almost shrug it off. Their interactions need to flow a little better here. The dialogue is going along well, but be careful when you have her bodyguard enter. He is over zealous but you water him down as to why he is her main bodyguard. Give him more description and details. Let us see a broader spectrum of their relationship, or lack of.

As for the the over all chapter you have some dropped words and missing words like when the Angel and Carmelita share a long look. You left out Carmelita so it just reads 'Little'. Watch out for that okay.

So you have some clean up to do with this which won't take you long I'm sure, but please watch out for those easy fix things. You are really good writer and I would hate for you to get distracted from such a great story.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse

Oh sorry that you were going through something. Are you going to add to this? It seems a good place for you to possibly put in one of your poems or songs. You are very good with that as well. Maybe do a song for the angel.

Now I did not realize that the Angel of Death was so...nurturing? He seems to contrast slightly with the A.O.D. in the first half. Maybe you should tell us more about why he's softening and yes with the thought of her being married brings other emotions from her admirers but give us more as to why he would give her such a sensual kiss. It could be obvious but it seems too much of a sensual move that he would make.

I'm going on to the next babes...

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse

Okay you will be throwing things at me for this but this sequel is not taking the turn that I thought. Yes you did bring in a buddy but the over all evilness that is the essence of Carmelita has been watered down here.

I think you could beef up this chapter. Throw in that poetic darkness that resonated in the first story. Now I like the fact she is getting ready for what seems to be an epic battle and there seems to be a turn to all things fantasy here so I'm interested to see what will happen.

Now you are the huntress of witchery and mystical occurrences that strangle and suffocate the reader with an enticing feeling of intrigue. Don't water your work down, luv. Stay consistent in your writing skill. You are born with it.

Love to you dear sister Queen of Witchery.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse

Don't worry I forgive you I don't think you need to be hanged. Although I wonder what the whole parent deal is about but you don't have to share that if you don't want to none of my buisness. Carmen is starting to humanize I see. Will she be able to overcome it or will she succumb? I continue to be enthralled. Hope things work out for you.

Yippee, you updated! But boy was that a creepy dream. As I recall, Clarissa is Carmen's dead sister? The ending of the dream reminds me of a scene in Hex, with the body hanging from a tree, swaying to the side...so...so...creepy.

I see that Carmen is beginning to lose her composure...

~ Sakina x

Pay it forward!

Poor Sir Wildrige. I hope Carmelita grows a heart towards him, even though I'm pretty sure she won't.

That dream was pretty creepy. I think I'd cry if I had a dream about seeing my own corpse and some crazy lady saying she wanted to bathe in my blood. Seems like Carmelita's getting antsy now. She's snapping more than usual.

Update soon!

~Reigh~
From the Roadhouse with Love!
Pay it forward to Scarlet Night (whenever I get the chapter up, teehee!)

No! I don't want my queen to fall.. She can beat fate like Final Destination.. Man she's really good at hiding her undeniable attraction for the bodyguard..
Her sister is going to undoubtedly cause problems with my perfect couple, Queen and Bodyguard, relationship.. I wouldn't be surprised if the sister wants Bguard too..
I love a lot of the dynamics of this chapter.. I love how you started with the unannounced dream sequence that could be a premonition. The seer's intro happened a bit suddenly but that's a easy fix..
Good work holding out exactly what the seer had seen.. It creates a nice little bit of wonder.. All around another great chapter from a great goddess.. You treat the world that you crafted very well. Eternal FOP Fanboy M

This is a good story so far. There are some things I don't understand (didn't read the story before this one), not to mention I don't really read this genre, but I can figure most of it out and so far everything's really interesting. I like the duality of Carmelita and the vastness of this world is intriguing to me. In response to your author's note - keep writing, don't give up!

Sorry this didn't get to you sooner. Kind of feel bad for Sir Wilridge. Geez Carmen has a lot of hate but I suppose living in well you know can do that to a person. Kind of funny that she hated the food stall owneres. Felt that was kind of random. Still a good chapter though.

Of, poor M! Ah, I see where she got her violent tendencies from now ~ the flashback explained a lot! But I am sad that there is no angel in this chapter!

~ Sakina x

Good job on the chapter. I'm glad we got that little look into Carmelita's past.

I'm just going to point out a few mistakes I saw here and there to help out:

[She motioned for him sit down.] - I think you meant- She motioned for him "to" sit down. (Forgetting to put the word "to" here makes the sentence a little awkward, because it is grammatically incorrect.)

[Tell me something I don’t know.]- this sentence seems out of place, because it is written in First person present, while the rest is written in third person past tense. I know that it is her thinking, but you should make a distinction between the character's thoughts and the rest of the text. Just so that it doesn't look so strange. It can be fixed by italicizing it, like you did with Sir Wilrdge's thoughts right before.

That's about it. I think it's kind of funny that young Carmelita hated the mortals for being greedy, and now she's basically killed her whole family, cept her brother, to become queen.

The devil?! Well that was...unexpected...nice twist, well done.

Lovely work, but one thing...

"Out of her hand came a widespread blast of rushing flames seismic proportions."

Shouldn't that be flames of seismic proportions?

I feel sorry for Sir Wilridge though...

Update soon please, huntress of fops!

~Star~

Oh my god!! She totally wants the Bodyguard, whatever his name is!! I can't believe her power also! Man an ocean of flame.. She's the Reincarnate?? That just sounds like something special.. Ok.. I really can't wait for another chapter.. Im not uploading the Actors 3rd half until this story is completed with at least 10 chapters!! The Bodyguard who's name I can never remember was so hurt but all he wants is to be around her.. Aww how romantic.. He's the perfect guy for her.. I'm just waiting for the moment she tells him to do something supremely evil and of course he does because he's so in love with her. Good work.. I can't believe how well you have created this universe.. You are a goddess that Carmelita would worship wholeheartedly.. Just like a few of us here on this world worship the job you have done creating hers..

M

-le gasp- CLIFFHANGER!

I love how you interpreted M into the story, lolz! And the Angel of Death with his fancy exits, lol.

Little Carmen is getting scary now! The others must be getting just a little bit suspicious...

Can't wait to see what you do next!

Keep writing!

~Star~