|Reviews for Broadway Song|
| GaIn 7/29/09 . chapter 3
Best chapter so far. I really love it!
| Said Author 7/20/09 . chapter 3
Oh my gosh, Digitracks is with Apple? XD Oh, and one thing, when you use numbers, write them out unless they are really big and such.
I wonder if Broadway [does she have a nickname? Not Broad though! :shot:] could see Ben really quickly, and convince Glen to give him some food? For his kindness of helping out the beautiful Broadway of course. XD But since he was able to get an Mp3 player from his boss...he must be a little more well off than the last chapter's description of not being able to 'rub two dimes' together...?
Three years isn't actually much of a difference when you're 18. :P
With broadway trying to understand all the terms Glen is using, has she actually been to school before? or any form of education? or does she only have street smarts? Hmm.
Haha, that must have been embarrassing! Serves them right for trying to kiss each other/force a relationship so soon when they only met a day ago! :P
Glen is so melodramatic. Getting down on one knee to talk to Broadway... Must be part of his way to act real well, to charm people, huh?
I agree with Broadway about to like like someone after one day. It'd be better if they developed their relationship before they try anything, and then end up getting heartbroken when it doesn't work out because they rushed things. Also, one thing that sort of bugged me was the nurse asking for Broadway's parents. Does she look younger than 18? Do they even know her age? If so, they would probably ask for family/relatives and not just remotely her parents... I think.
So Glen lies about some things? I'm kind of seeing the significance of Broadway saying she wasn't a liar... Something might happen to break off her trust with Glen... or was that a coincidence? or maybe I'm just thinking too much into the future. XD
Haha, he got her an iPod? Sweet. But i'm not sure you mentioned she put on the headphones, which are kind of crucial to listen to an iPod... :P
"Hey there, Delilah" kind of annoys me now since I hear it everywhere. XD But it fits this story.
Anyway, this is pretty nice story you got going here. I'd like if you slowed down their relationship as it being this fast paced [like with them kissing so quickly] would kind of irk me, and be rather cheesy. :P
I like it so far, update! :}
| Said Author 7/20/09 . chapter 2
Is it Digitracks or Digitacks? [You misspelled it at the beginning paragraph one way or another.] Oh, and I forgot to say I noticed this last chapter actually, if you don't mind Con Crit: you forget some commas around people's names [like "Well Warren" "Well, Warren," and in this chap, "Yes ma'am" Yes, ma'am"]. You also missed a few commas in some sentences, had some ellipses past three periods, and capitalized unnecessarily, but that's it . :)
I like that you can talk about Glen's job with the Board so casually like you know what you're talking about, it doesn't seem fake or anything like that. He's a business man of sorts, yes?
You wrote how Glen can charm and persuade people very well, even if I'm a little disappointed we couldn't see it work ourselves since you skipped it. :P
Warren's an interesting character too, he seems like a nice friend for Glen, and loyal.
I'd rather Glen buy Broadway her own apartment or something, but he's a good person all the same. xP
Aw, poor Broadway, when you're given something nice just like that you don't know what to do with it. Their friendship is blossoming. :D
| Said Author 7/20/09 . chapter 1
Hey, this is really good! It kept me reading from start to finish... and the name is so unique. XD [I made a character have the first name "Song" but not Broadway before, haha.]
I like reading other people's takes on what homeless life is to them, and I think yours is a good depiction. The woman that helped her at first had her heart in the right place, as giving money to homeless usually ends up getting them in worse predicaments [they resort to buying drugs instead of food, so it was good she fed her instead].
i was kind of confused at how old she was nearing the end when Glen called her a woman, but I'm glad you cleared that up by him asking her how old she was. XD [the 11 in the summary made me think she was 11 years old. o_o] The only thing that bugged me was how Glen kept saying he could tell she was pretty underneath all the grime, if she was as dirty as she said when she looked in the puddle, I'm not sure one COULD tell. [Plus, he said something along the lines of being sad one so beautiful had to suffer. I think anyone suffering even if they aren't beautiful is sad. :P]
That's my only peeve, everything else is awesome, your writing is great, didn't catch any errors, and, above all else, it's very interesting. Nice work, and I'm sure to read more. :)
| dancin-in-the-rain 7/18/09 . chapter 3
I LOVE you for updating!
I'll totally see what I can do to get this story some more -much needed and deserved- attention.
So, this was adorable. They're really warming up to each other, and the way that Broadway kept wrestling with herself about Glen was easily relatable and very real.
And, the Nano?
Original and cute!
I hope to see more SOON!
And, like I said, hopefully you'll have more reviews to match.
All the best,
[p.s. I hope you like the update on Room 475.]
| Imminent Paradox 7/17/09 . chapter 2
:O There's MORE! I hadn't put this on alert, and found this again by luck. Now I'll DEFINITELY put it on alert, in case you DO do more! I really hope you do! It's really great, to tell you the truth. I think Glen is really sweet, and it's sad when you realize how hard Broadway had it. It's great.
I really hope to read more!
| dancin-in-the-rain 7/17/09 . chapter 2
I squealed with delight when I got the alert in my inbox.
I'm so happy you decided to continue, and could absolutely see this becoming a longer story. You'd be able to explain her past while she struggled with her new future [which includes GLEN! *Insert girly melting here*]
My favorite line -by Glen- was:
"I didn’t know hardly anything about her, but I wanted her to never cry again, I wanted to know that she’d always be smiling."
Amazing, as usual.
Your writing is very fluent.
| Then They call me M 7/15/09 . chapter 1
I agree...it was cute :)
| dancin-in-the-rain 7/13/09 . chapter 1
"I hung on to that memory my whole life, refusing to believe that no one cared."
That was a great line, in my opinion. Sure, it wasn't really profound, but it really showed how small things people do for each other make such an impact. I believe that was the point of yours story, and to Broadway, that line would be believable.
Alright, so, I absolutely COMPLETELY adored this.
Your writing definitely brings the reader in and keeps them begging for more to sink their teeth into.
I didn't understand, though, how Warren could've confused Broadway for a model. Distance distorts things to some extent, but her coat and clothing would've been hanging limply [in my opinion] and since she had lived on the streets since 7, she most definitely wouldn't carry herself in an elegant manner.
But, that's just my thoughts; it's your story, after all!
Also, mid-way while they're in the hospital, Warren's name isn't capitilized. See:
"I sighed and turned to warren.."
anywho. All small things that are just mis-types.
The ending made my heart melt.
I would love it if this continued, but as it is now, it's a great one-shot.
| Imminent Paradox 7/12/09 . chapter 1
Aw, this was cute :) I really like the name she gave herself- quite original XD. I really felt bad for her, but I'm glad that Glen helped her out! I especially liked the musings at the beginning- they were quite interesting to read.
Anyway, altogehter, I really liked this. It was well written, tragic at some parts, and cute. Great job :)