I really loved the olden days feel of the first few verses, you set up a lovely picture of longing between one person and the other. But, having said that I noticed that the narration style/voice changed from the first part to the second part, and it didn’t feel very cohesive between the two. Like I said the first half was very Victorian in the way that things were put but then later it felt more modern.

‘tumbling into the Grand Canyon/expanse of your chest.’ - I love that; I love it because it has such scope to it. You allow the reader to feel and relate to how fast their relationship is. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.