|Reviews for Mongrel|
| Elizabeth Howes-Stevenson 9/21/09 . chapter 8
Wow, I didn't see that coming! I love how you make the reader really feel the passion between Aria and Preston when they're alone. And I love the twist when he announces the engagement party.
The idea of the family being werewolves and her father trying to unite the packs is great. I didn't really understand though how she suddenly knew that was the big secret. I didn't see her father say that. Did Colton telepathically tell her? Also, I'm not up on my werewolf lore but I didn't know that skinwalkers as another term for them. I like it, but your reader but not know this either and be a bit confused. Also, how does she react to this news? We can tell that she knows something is wrong with her but how long have these odd occurences been happening? Why hadn't she questioned before what was wrong with her? If the whole family are werewolves then wouldn't they also exhibit symptoms?
These are just questions you have me wondering which I'm sure you've probably answered in the chapters I have yet to read. I really love this character and am really drawn into the story, especially all these developments!
| BlackTreaderWolf 9/21/09 . chapter 3
| amyhtak 9/21/09 . chapter 10
Very, very intriguing. I like where you're going with this. Keep it up! :)
| Reviewer 9/20/09 . chapter 10
So, I must say this was good. . . it flows, the whole story, their is a plot too, which i notice more and more stories lack, but it leaves you asking what's going to happen. and i'm a Paden fan :D
| Love.Is.Free 9/20/09 . chapter 1
Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reviewing! I've so far had time to read up to the end of chapter one and will continue working through.
I'm enjoying it very much so far! I honestly can't find anything to critisise. I particularly enjoy your indepth descriptions. It really gives the reader a perfect mental image of what is happening in the story.
Very well done! I look forward to reading more!
| Ever.Real 9/20/09 . chapter 10
This has to be one of the best stories on FP! Unique characters... unique plot line...unique names and places. It's perfect! I hope you continue to write it!
| DreamingEternal 9/20/09 . chapter 10
Mistake: You said "He averted my gaze" which i think should be "I averted my gaze".
Poor Paden, marked forever emotionally and physically by the traumatizing event of being near drowned by his father. I would say poor Logan, too, but I'm mad at him for saying "you're mine". If I were Aria, I would have smacked him at some point during this whole scene. Then again, given his strength, that probably wouldnt have been in her best interests.
"You should start by putting some pants on." lol.
| DreamingEternal 9/20/09 . chapter 9
I continue to be impressed by your vivid description.
I also love the banter between Aria and Logan. "You better watch it." "You better smile."
I was wondering why Aria was suddenly experiencing the sypmtoms of the change so strongly, when she never had before. So it was fear; that explains it.
I found when everyone starts clapping after their kiss to be hilarious.
Logan is hot, in a self-assured asshole kind of way, but i still prefer paden. I hopes he gets more screen time in the upcoming chapters.
| DreamingEternal 9/20/09 . chapter 8
I can't wait to hear more about what being a werewolf entails.
Good for Aria, finally squishing that spider! I used to be so scared of spiders that I would have to call my dad over to kill them and stay in a different room until he did, but now I can squish the small ones by myself.
Sorry I dont have much to say about this chapter...
| VelvetyCheerio 9/20/09 . chapter 10
Well, Aria sure has gotten herself in a bit of trouble, though I can not be sure how many boys are after her. Doesn't she have a boyfriend anyway? Does that mean nothing to her at all? :/
Work on the points I told you about in the review for the first chapter, and Aria's personality. And everyone elses. You made it seem so good in the first chapter, but, it's turning out that everyone in this story exhibits the same characteristics with random bouts of reason here or there.
Try not to give away the plot anymore than you already have. Wrap up as much of the story in riddles...
| VelvetyCheerio 9/20/09 . chapter 5
Argh! I knew he would come back! Aah, it just seemed all too carefully planned. He never did mention his name though. I'm assuming he's a vampire, out to do some damage...
Ack, and Aria has been getting in to one problem from the next... but she's starting to come off as one sided all of a sudden.
You can pull off stubborn and defiant for only so long before it just becomes boring. Don't be afraid to show her "softer" side. Even the most hard hearted of people can be moved by a cry for help.
| VelvetyCheerio 9/19/09 . chapter 2
I think I'm starting to understand what's going on here, and I hope I haven't figured out the entire plot after just the second chapter. :(
Well, seems that Aria has a boyfriend, huh? When is he going to come in to play?
And what's with the dude with hypnotizing eyes? Stephen didn't like him. Are they bad kids, putting graffiti all over the school walls or what?
| VelvetyCheerio 9/19/09 . chapter 1
Aah, interesting start. You're well written when it comes to description and delving into the mind of your main character. Aria is well rounded and it made for a dramatic read.
There's also an interesting past behind each character and it adds to their personality rather well.
The only thing that took away from this chapter, I think, was the use of punctuation and overuse of "said" replacement words.
After someone says something, there's always a comma before the closing quotation.
"I'm going to the mall today," Sarah said to me.
Note where the comma is. Also note the use of the word "said".
You don't seem to use it much. :/ Replacement words for said take away from the story somewhat, because they are telling words. "Growled", "snarled", "assured". Sometimes the situation is enough to allude how the person is speaking.
However, if it's not, leave a descriptive tag after.
"I'm going to the mall today," Sarah said to me, flashing a vibrant grin.
You get the impression she's kinda chipper and happy, right?
Those are the only things I noticed. Great opening, I'll see what happens to Aria in the next chapter.
| Elizabeth Howes-Stevenson 9/19/09 . chapter 5
Wow, I really need to catch up! I'm so impressed with how far you've gotten in your piece. I've read through chapter 5 and I'm really enjoying where this story is going. I like that we're learning more about all of the characters. You do an excellent job showing us what each person is like without having to tell us. Your details are still fantastic; I love the line about the woman pinching the stem of the wine glass.
I'm really curious now as to why Arianna's father brough her home since no one at home really wants her there. I always want to know more about Paden...guess I'll have to keep reading!
| Moonlitdaze 9/19/09 . chapter 2
This story is AMAZING , I love it , love it , love it!