Hi, I really liked the way you had the words "surely shatter" - it made really good imagery there. The "delicate touch" was good too.

What I think, is that you could actually have some formatting here, like having stanzas, a line between "shatter" and "and". Then, "together" and "so" and so on, like having two lines and two lines together, dunno, it's just my idea.

This is a really poem, makes me feel of the words fragile but powerful, and my only regret is that it wasn't longer.

Narq.

This was great! Good job! My only critism is thta this line does not make much sense of follow the rhyme.



and the dust that I’ve turned to

Hey, reviewing you for The Review Game.

I really liked the image of fragility you created here. The lines, "As you sift through the sand/and the dust that I've turned to/between our clasped hans," was especially poignant.

The rest of the poem was great, but that part in particular stood out to me. Very beautiful imagery.

I also liked the concept of love as painful, though this also ties into the image of fragility. The way love is depicted as being destructive, and how the speaker describes themself as shattering, is a nice image.

Good poem overall,
~Zombiesaurus Rex

I adore the imagery that you created in this poem; very beautiful, especially the bit about him searching for you in the sand, trying to find you even though it seems impossible.
The rhyming and your use of consonance throughout is very appealing. A lovely piece. (:

Wow this is wonderful!

Hey!
Yay you won the review marathon. wot! congratulations. here is one of your prezzies.
I really loved your descriptions here. It brought the reader into the poem. My personal favorite was "as you sift through the sand".
There's one thing about a word choice that i didn't quite get. In the last line you say "between OUR clasped hands." but if she's the sand in the hands, how can she be holding herself?
other than that, good poem.
~fatbird:)

I love little poems like this. I call them little snippets of genius, and they're even better when written in the wee hours of the morning:P I'm not good writing them myself, but I do enjoy reading other people's work:)
The only problem I have with it is the first rhyme. It's not a really obvious rhyme and it messed with the rhythm the first time I read it. I may be a little nit-picky, because it's really a beautiful poem, but that bothered me.
Write on!

Good luck in the Review Marathon (link in my profile).

Sorry I'm so far behind on my alerts.

I really like the first four lines. I think the contrast with the rough and delicate was reall great. You created a powerful image.

I also like the last 4 lines. Here to you created a really powerful image and I love that last line.

However, I don't like the two together I don't see how you shattering turns into them flying and you as sand. It just didn't work together for me. It needed a transition or maybe even to be 2 separate pieces.

Still excellent writing.

Wow that was heartbreakingly beautiful. Wonderfully written, too might I add.

I like the tone of "for I'll surely shatter" as well as the alliteration. Great job.

it's sweet but heartbroken at the same time, I like the imagery, it's as if the kiss was the most important thing ever but hurt too.

great poem.

Hmm, well I liked this. It was...pretty, for lack of a better word. I can't describe it exactly but it was well-written and the flow was really smooth. The rhyming was also well done. I liked the fact that it didn't feel forced at all. On the other hand though, this was just a pretty piece. It was nice to read but that was it. Nothing spectacular, I guess. But other than that, nicely done.

This was certainly short but sweet :) You managed to capture your meaning in only a few words, but the spirit was concentrated throughout. This poem had a very lovely structure, certainly one of the better ones i've seen on this site. It was evenly measured, but didn't feel forced. The flow of the poem meshed well with the mood. Airy, but with a touch of sadness. This poem resonates with me personally. I feel it captures perfectly the feeling of helplessness in romance.

Great work!

Very short, but very good. I like the way you compare love and butterflies, it's clever and the structure is very well done. I especially love the last 2 lines, and it really ends the poem wonderfully. Please keep writing and I hoep this review was sufficent.

RZ

Wow, very good i loved it! :) I found nothing wrong with it, and it was great:)

Very good image it puts in my head.
Very well written:) Thanks for sharing!

-Somer:)

I loved "for I'll surely shatter". The alliteration in that is wonderful, and it sounded so good in the poem. ;)

I liked your word choices for "so you'll fly on your wings as you sift through the sand..." I liked 'fly' and 'sift' because they're kind of similar, in sense of moving through something. It sort of reminded me of being 'earth-bound'. The emphasis on not 'flying' was nice, like the speaker wasn't free anymore.

The rhyme at the end was lovely. :D "sand/hands" ended the poem nicely and added a good, strong rhythm to the piece.

-Peach, RG easy fix review.