wow i was really caught up in your story. seems like a promising start, hope to read more!

-frozen.

The concept of your story is good. I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds as if you don;t have a lot of writing experience. But its something you can work on, and you have a lot of potential. Your writing is very simplistic, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing. Just try not to write the way you would talk by filtering details that don't set the atmosphere or add to the story.
There are a lot of bits that i liked. For example, the way you described the tingling in Kamille's hand as "static". Interesting choice of word.
Anyway, keep up the work. I look forward to seeing more.
Mia

Caiden’s last class is taught off campus, and he just decided to get gas.

For starters, something seemed a little bit wrong with that sentence, maybe try re-writing it, since she is guessing.

You had very real descriptions that pulled you into the story and made you feel as though it were you in the character's place.

It was a little bit hard to follow the conversation, but you did a overall good job, it's a little bit different and different is good.

Happy Writing
~Chu-Chi Bear

Amazing. This story really captured me and I was completely engrossed in the story. I can't wait to read more !

Oh my goodness! This story is amazing! You are a fantastic writer! This is a very good start to a story that keeps you on the edge of your seat. I can't wait to read more of your writing!

Good story!

I agree with MartinIsMyGoldfish. I wouldn't say your opening was bad. I actually liked it a lot. You had a lot of great descriptions of the sensations of magic in there, but I feel like it could've been placed somewhere else. I'm a failure at prologues (I'm probably removing mine eventually), so I can't really give any advice on how to create a stronger introduction that would give you more than ten readers, but I just feel like the first chapter you posted could've been placed somewhere else. I hate it when people start off with "Ring, my alarm bell rang and I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror because it was the first day of school and I pulled on my favorite jeans and looked at myself in the mirror and saw a girl with sparkling sapphire eyes and wavy auburn hair, etc." but I think you could have a different opening. Actually, looking back, I think the only "problem" is the first two paragraphs. They're a bit slow, and you need to hook your reader in immediately. Again, I have no clue how to do that, but maybe you could start off with the third paragraph with a different first sentence.
... Sorry, not making any sense.

Anyways. Second chapter was interesting as well. I hope you don't say she's a vampire. Please. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Can a story be so cool? I think I have the answer.

I loved this chapter. I actually wonder if there is a way for you to revise the story, somehow, so that this is your first chapter, because this really drew me in, more so than the first chapter. With the first chapter, I thought, "Okay, this is kind of interesting, because they're telepathic, and she's feeling these weird sensations." But with this chapter, I was giggling to myself when Royce was asking her questions, and then I was getting freaked out when he coerced her into the car, and I was DEFINITELY intrigued by the end. I think that this provides the suspense that will motivate a reader to continue on to the next chapter.

However, I understand that the first chapter is necessary to set up Kamille's relationship with her twin brother and, for plot purposes, as the beginning of the story (an ordinary day, nothing unusual, except this tingling feeling, etc.)

I cracked up when Royce named all of the other Royces that he knew. And when he complimented her on her English, and she had no idea why he would do that. Ha ha ha ha.

You write so much better than so many people on this site- I mean it. I'm pleased that you're experimenting with an original story and I'm excited to keep reading!

This story is very interesting. It has a good plot and not too much nonsense that distracts from the true story line. --A nice hook and line kept me on the edge of my seat reading it. Good luck with the rest-I'll keep reading!

I totally digged this story. I wish you would write more chapters, but whats down is good. And whats up is good. Let the music and the words flow...a natural creative embodice surround you. Thanks for the great two chapters...keep it up.

First, a quick typo . . .

My last class had let out, and [I] was waiting in front of the high school building for Caiden.

I really liked it! I'm interested in how you describe the communication between the twins. It seems like they are able to "speak" thoughts to each other. But they can also "hear" the thoughts that aren't necessarily formed as sentences or phrases, right? What I mean by this is, sometimes, my thoughts aren't as formal as a sentence with a subject and a verb. It might just be something like "The Fray. Love this song. Concert last weekend" - kind of more, associating different memories, rather than a narrative structure of any kind.

I think that you've done a great job developing the first-person point of view, and her character traits are coming through strongly without you having to describe, literally, what she is like. Like, when she said that she could describe the shape of their faces but she didn't spend hours looking at herself in the mirror. Without you having to say that she isn't vain, I already get a sense of who she is and who she's NOT (those girls who stare in the mirror, who pluck their eyebrows obsessively, who wear a lot of makeup, etc.)

One thing that I think that you could improve on is the paragraphs describing how they are twins and how they are telepathic. It is helpful to explain to the reader what is going on, but it might also be interesting NOT to explain it, and just go along with their mental conversation as if this is normal, because it is something that IS normal, at least to Caiden and Kamille. By the end of the chapter, the reader will understand that there is some sort of telepathic bond between them, without having this "explanation" paragraph. It might also add to the suspense, and keep the reader a little confused, just as Caiden and Kamille undoubtedly are by their strange power.

Cool story.

Good chapter, written well.