I don't know how I feel about this story, LOL, it was so frustrating, hahah. I'm actually happy she got with Thompson, he was the only one of them who seemed to really understand/respect/acknowledge what she could do but take care of her without it seeming condescending. both Marc and Jack are childish and high handed due to things that couldn't really help them.

But at the same time, Thompson?? LOL, they probably should've interacted more. Or maybe it feels this way because we don't know how he feels about Levanah.

The Brother Torre line felt a bit random, LOL, but she didn't get with him so that's all good.

Hmm... that was an interesting conversation. We already knew about Master Dar, but the fact that the rest of the Sect wasn't involved was interesting. It doesn't make what they did any better but you'd think they would've attempted to handle the whole situation better.

Going along with rogues tends to lead to little things, like I don't know, THE HOLOCAUST? little actions that would be unacceptable except since it's done by someone in power and you don't want to disrupt the piece you go along with it and boom, massive death count.

Technicality wise, the story has slowed down quite a bit. I know I've mentioned it before, multiple times, lol, but the story feels like it's dragging. I shouldn't compare to your other ones but it's hard not too and I think this is one of the few that drags along. It started off with a burst and usually when there are no 'action' bits you still manage to pull off the feel of urgency but it's just not coming across in this story.

This is quite confusing, but I suppose it should be. I've only just started reading, so I assume that a lot of these confusing aspects will be cleared up later.

It would have been nice to get a little more detail on the betrayal situation, since that was kind of the focal point of the chapter. It seems odd how you built up to the betrayal for so long but the action only lasted a few short sentences.

The plot seems really interesting so far, but the prologue definitely is an info dump. My thought was perhaps you could have Levanah find the government document later, and have her read it and skip around a little to help shorten it and make it more lively.

I like it, great job. =)

So far i am really enjoying your story =D

Wow. That was really good. I read...11 chapters in one 20-hour span. Less.
I think the ending was REALLY good, and I must say, Marie is one of my fav characters. :) I love Levanah...but Thompson? I was totally going for Marc. Gotta love the handsome geologist. Jake could get on my nerves, but he was really realistic. They were all so relatable to real life!
I couldn't believe Levanah was black-haired! I kept picturing red - funny how that works.
Very nice, but do you think that Brother Torre could have a bigger part...that is, if you ever end up re-writing the entire thing the way I do for my stories about a billion times. :)
Great story

ACK. I didn't expect that you would finish it.

Hm...

Frankly, I didn't like the last chapter.. it was too rushed, the loose ends still had loose threads. And Levanah... WITH THOMPSON? wth?I dunno.. that tandem was not for me I guess. It's like... gasping for straws? I mean, they didn't have anything going on during the six weeks of knowing each other except having trust between them. But Jack and Marc's friendship suprisingly made send. :)

Anyways.. I LOVE the middle chapters hough.. where everything became much more complicated than destroying the Sect that was out to get Levanah... But I wish you prolonged a few details... building up to the suspension before the climax. You could've squeezed out some really efficient cliffies and more character development and stuff... which would have been very, very useful.

But still, kudos to you! Your fics are always out of this world. :)

Lol, and to reply with to your reply to my review (lol), I noticed your writing style was like a girl's... but then you had Muscular Kevin as a pen name and I did a 360. :))

Can't wait to read more from you. :)

As always, I admire the vastness of your knowledge in these stuff. Have you ever been to Africa? Your details seem so authentic... although I've never been there personally.

Although you have some grammatical and spelling errors, your fic's really wonderful. The characters are so different and so adorable that readers are instantly drawn to them.

I love your line about girls liking geologists more than botanists, maybe because of rocks and diamonds. But then they like Jack the botanist more because he can actually buy the diamonds.

I love the creativity of the religious body transforming to the sect. The irony is fantastic.

Please keep updating!

Btw, I never did figure it out, are you a boy or are you a girl? :D

This is honestly one of the best fictionpress stories I've read in a while. I love this world you created, it's like transformers, meets artemis fowl, meets Sabrina the teenage witch.

You also describe characters and scenery humorously and well. I love your one-liners.

Please, PLEASE update soon. I'm actually excited about this story.

[He stared up at the canopy of leaves above him like a child stares up the neon stickers of stars and galaxies that adorn their bedroom ceiling.]

hahah, I had those. Except I never got around to the 'galaxies' bit. I didn't even put up a real constellation. M.

[His chest pressed and heaved, his lungs sucking in all the air that his fall had robbed him of. The smell of smoke and burning jet fuel filled the air, though there was neither heat nor a crackle to suggest they were about to be burnt to a cinder.]
So they're close enough to smell the crash but not be directly affected by it yet. i like that he notices that even though he's struggling to get air into his lungs, shows he's aware of his surroundings before he notices Levanah.

Pretty good so far. I like the character interaction, especially with Thompson.

There were a few errors/typos, but I think that you already have a beta reader taking care of that.

And in response to your review reply, you're welcome. :-)

makes much more sense now! really enjoying it.

this prologue has left me really confused, but i can't really pinpoint what it is that i'm confused about per se. although the part about magic and witches would be a main point of question.hopefully as i keep reading it'll clear up. =)

I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I do hope Thompson stays around. So far he's been a great supporting character and gives off a very calming vibe and I get the feeling that when Marc and Jack get around each other with Levanah present he'll have to be the cooler head and/or bust their heads, LOL just to ensure the male posturing doesn't get out of hand.

Very nice my friend, very nice.

I quite liked this chapter. All their different stories are starting to intertwine. Et c'est bon! I think you are also doing a great job of showing how each person's perceptions and prejudices affect their thoughts and actions... case in point: Jack analyzing Marc and Marc analyzing Jack. Seems to me like a rivalry has already been established between these 2, perhaps Lavanah will only make things worse? Hopefully, the competitiveness between the 2 doesn't grow to be too much because already dealing with the Sect and witches is enough... too much emotional drama would be too much. Or well, that's what I think, anyway.

Just 2 quick notes. First (and as usual), watch those commas! Second, I think it might be a little more visually distinctive if at the very end of this chapter, when Marc is asking and answering questions to himself about Levanah/the future, for either the question or the answer to be italicized. I know you don't usually do this to show thoughts or internal monologues, but just consider it for this occasion, OK? As it looks now, it just seems a little odd (again, visually -- if you read it, then there's no doubt).

I was so excited when I saw you'd written another story, and although I was initially baffled by the first two chapters, I think it really works. I hope you're going to tell us more about Levana's past though, and the SIS, because I'm really desperate to know what's actually going on and why they wanted to kill her in the first place. Anyway, I love it, and please update as soon as possible.