|Reviews for Discourse on Teddy Bears|
| Veneya 4/13/12 . chapter 1
man - i loved it! its very rare to get one shots of male/male but this was great :D
| IRatherLikeFairytales 12/3/11 . chapter 1
Haha I knew it was gonna end like that! This was really cute!
| Fumiki 6/27/11 . chapter 1
Hahahaa, sweet! Love this!
| Teldra 8/16/10 . chapter 1
This is cute :)
| Rock on an Ocean Shore 5/20/10 . chapter 1
Lol, that was hilarious! I really liked this oneshot. You had quite an original idea.
| history1304 5/16/10 . chapter 1
I like your story .
| nonaccount 3/8/10 . chapter 1
That was adorable! I only wish there was more. :)
| Seize The Stars 1/17/10 . chapter 1
I remember reading and liking this story, but I don't seem to have reviewed it, so here I go.
Haha, the premise of a grown guy searching for just that Mr. Right teddy bear is a charming concept right off the bat.
[What was so wrong with sleeping with a stuffed animal? It was just like another pillow, only specially shaped. It wasn’t like he talked to it or anything.]
Anthony's thought patterns and actions are very natural and authentic-sounding. He commentary definitely shows he speaks from stuffed animal hunting experience, and the way it all sounds so matter-of-fact is hilarious.
[lowering himself down onto the tiled floor. It was hard and cold beneath him.]
I don't think "down" and "beneath him" are really necessary.
[He felt like Goldilocks, only he was trying out the bears instead of their beds.]
[It’s face is all,”]
That should be "Its".
[The man stared at him, rubbed a little at the stubble on his chin, and then repeated, his voice quieter, “Is it true what they say about redheads?”]
[Or you here with your kids? Or both?”]
Was the first "Or" intentional, or did you mean "Are"?
[He shook his head, “I’m seventeen.”]
That should be a period after head, as shaking your head isn't a speech tag.
[brushed a thumb across the bridge of his nose.]
I liked this little detail, and also the connections he makes (the neighbor's dog, his sister, mentioning his friend's name, rubbing a thumb over a teddy bear's eyes and leaving a greasy smudge, etc). Bits like those fill in the cavities of a story's smile. Or whiten it. Whatever analogy works.
[Jack scratched the side of his nose]
And I liked the consistency, since it's a mannerism and all.
I commend you on your narration and dialogue; they both flow well, and the latter is realistic.
[“This one time,” Jack started, “This one time, I dressed up like Spiderman. For a whole year.”]
The second "This" should be uncapitalized.
[“He’s allergic to a rock!”]
[“I’m seventeen,” Jack interrupted, sounding frustrated, “My dad is ten years older than my mom. So can’t we just—”]
The comma after "frustrated" should be a period.
[“You feed me one more bad pick-up line, kid, and I’m gonna smother you with a technicolor bunny.” Anthony pointed to the weapon in question, its floppy ears dangling from a nearby bin, and Jack smiled like a little boy. ]
Hahaha. I liked how Anthony didn't go along; that common sense keeps the fluffy setting of the story at a tolerable bay.
[“What’s your phone number?”
“Nine sev—hey. Real funny, kid.”]
[Jack hesitated, then stepped closer and leaned in. “I could—you know—I could be your teddy bear instead.”]
Hahaha. Hilariously awesome.
- Seize The Stars
| Hollyivy 12/20/09 . chapter 1
wait, what's true about redheads?
| Poptart Guava King 12/17/09 . chapter 1
teehee. mention of bearsslash fic me laughing :D
it was cute. lol
| Psycho-Toole 11/16/09 . chapter 1
_ That was cute
| Dranyer 9/12/09 . chapter 1
This was awesome and so cute haha! Love cute guys that appreciate their teddy bears (or any other fluffy toys!). The writing was great and really flowed naturally, although the part when Jack first appeared confused me a little. I mean... you don't usually think of "a man" as having a soccer build... Or it could just be me, since "a man" makes me picture an old man that I would have no interest in haha. Otherwise, it's all cute and fluffiness (what i love!). I hope you can come up with more cute ideas like this hehe. :)
| firestar267 9/3/09 . chapter 1
aw - a really well written funny read i thoroghly enjoyed!
| Tinyyellowboxes 9/2/09 . chapter 1
XD So adorable!
| MasacreInTheLivingroom 8/26/09 . chapter 1
That was great your characters personalities and reactions were very realistic, which is hard to come by now a days. Perhaps you should think about writing a sequel to this?