|Reviews for Mischief|
| InkredibleRed 12/2/09 . chapter 2
You just have to watch out for that grammar. Trust me on this, I've gotten so many reviews that only tell me to watch my grammar. For example, when you say...
"They nodded following there orders without question."
You need to use "their orders" instead of "there orders."
But you did great bro(a)
| R.D.Palmgren 8/14/09 . chapter 1
"was running for my life. Wasn't any different form any other day but this time I was alone. I chose to do this on my own and now I was paying for it. I ran up another flight of stairs the moon shining brightly through a window. I heard the sound of the cops as I ran."
GREAT START BUT U DONT NEED "As I ran." AT THE END WE KNOW U R RUNNING. YOU SAY "Wasn't any different form any other day" THEN YOU GO ON SAYING "but this time I was alone" SO IT ISNT THE SAME AS BEFORE?
"My name is the prince of thieves but my friends call me Phase. Reason why? I can walk through walls and what not."
WE ALREADY KNOW THAT AND YOU ARE TALKING TO ME, TO THE READER, NOT GOOD THING UNLESSU DO WANT TO TALK TO THE READERS
"I began by waking up the coven." YOU ALREADY OPENED YOUR EYES
"smell food being cooked and I knew someone beat me awake." BEAT YOU AWAKE?
I don’t have much room to talk about every part but slowdown, use detail, don’t talk about one thing then add detail after like the girl. You are moving feet at a time rather inches. Slowdown. Tell me how u get there and don’t talk to the reader straight out, ex. He is Jim my brother and this is….. Go for.. “Hey Jim, can u help me hold this door….” Jim replies, “Okay big brother.” we know Jim is young brother of Jim.
| Alisee 7/28/09 . chapter 1
It's cute! Work on your writing style, though. Great potential!