I really like your story so far. I can't bring myself to believe that Jarvis is giving up and apologising, I think it's more likely that he's going to try and get to her by becoming her friend, or at least trying to. I understand the guy's reaction. During the tryouts I'm surprised that Landon called her out on second base. Normally players don't make the call the referee or in this case the coach should be the one to call it, it just seemed a little strange.
I can't wait to see where you take this now, please update soon :)

I love stories of girls playing the boys sports (probably cause I was that girl!) looking foward to the next update

Nice chapter! I liked how you didn't drag the sports bit out a lot, and kept it from being too short too. i know things like baseball are probably hard to write. i've never tried out for a team before, i'm really not a sports person. xD I like your story anyway though. and obviously jarvis is upto something, if you even asked that question. i don't think i can answer number four though, you haven't described them enough yet. well done though.

1. Honestly, I'm not quite sure if i did like it or not.
2. I think the try-outs could've been a little more intense and possibly have lasted longer.
3. Yes i have tried out for many teams (i have been playing varsity softball since 8th grade)
4. Boys wil be boys and the way they act in the chapter is how they would probably act if i went to try out for their baseball teams so i thought how they acted was great.
5. No i dont think Jarvis is up to something-i genuinly think he was a great character to add. Being the optimist I am think eventually Holli and Jarvis will form some type of bond in the story.

:)Brianna

p.s. when your talking about pitching and jarvis behind the plate i am pretty sure there is a typeo with saying the bat catcher-unless it's just me

You did such a great job with the description of when they were playing . . . sometimes, reading the action of sports games gets a little boring to me, maybe because I can't visualize it very well. But this kept my attention - you had a great balance between describing the action, the dialogue, and Holli's thoughts.

1. What did you think of this chapter?

(Well, see above because I basically answered this question there!)

2. Did you enjoy the tryouts part?

(Again, see above. Ha ha. But seriously, I did enjoy it, because it was fast-paced and exciting. I'm surprised that tryouts were only for one day, though! Aren't they usually at least a week long? Maybe that's just how my high school did things.)

3. Have you ever tried out for a team?

I played softball in middle school and high school. I kind of hated it, though. I don't like it when I'm not the best at something, and I definitely wasn't the best at sports.

4. What do you think of the boys so far?

I like how Jarvis apologized at the end of this chapter. I want to believe that it was a sincere apology because Holli could use an ally on the team.

I think that where you might run into trouble is keeping track of all of the boys. I think that it's important to make them each unique and distinguishable, with very specific traits, so that your readers can remember who is who. I can keep Toby, Logan, and Jarvis straight, but if you add the rest of the infield, I might start to get confused. Does that make sense? Also, you're doing great with this so far, but also just remember that every single member of the team doesn't have to be singled out in your story . . . you could focus on Toby, Logan, and Jarvis and the others could be very minor characters. I hope that made sense?

5. Do you think Jarvis is up to something?

As I said above, I want to believe that he is being sincere because it's always good to have a sympathetic friend. I think that Holli has enough on her hands without Jarvis being a sneaky, two-faced weasel.

Great chapter, as always! I can't wait to read about the first game.

I'll get the little stuff out of the way first . . .

"Her eyebrows knitted in confusing" -> knitted in confusION?

"Why would I want to go on a loosing team . . ." -> losing team?

1. What did you think of the second chapter?

I liked it! Holli is so enthusiastic and determined and strong, I really admire her character. You're doing a great job of writing her. I'm curious about the situation with her brother . . . is this going to develop into something further? I like that you're willing to approach the topic of rape, though, because even though it's kind of a taboo topic, things like this DO happen (whether it was actually rape or not) and they shouldn't be glossed over.

2. What do you think of the friendship between Holli and Taylor?

I really liked when Holli looked over and Taylor's tongue was sticking out of her mouth and she thought, "Aw, how cute." It was just a sweet thought for Holli to have and it made Taylor seem very cute. These little things that best friends notice about each other are what make a friendship seem realistic, so I think you did a great job with that.

3. Do you have any siblings? Do you get along with them, or constantly fight?

I have one younger brother who's 20. We get along well now that we're not living at home. When we were in high school, I think that I annoyed him a lot and that I probably wasn't his favorite person. It's weird, though, because now that we're older I start to realize how separate his life is from me, and how much of his own person he is, whereas before I always just thought of him as "MY brother."

4. First impression of Cullen and Logan?

I think that it was CuriousContradiction who suggested the show-don't-tell with Logan, and I agree with that. Even the simplest little actions can indicate his personality traits. I think that Cullen seems like a good friend. Every time I read his name, I feel like it's Edward Cullen and she's calling him by his last name! Stephenie Meyer kind of has a monopoly on the names Edward and Bella now, doesn't she?

I love this chapter
i was like
GOO HOLI

:D

I like Randy's backstory. It gives him and the whole thing dimension.

1. TOO SHORT
2. LOL. It's almost too ying and yang but even two dynamic people can be best friends
3. Fight/Play/Kick...isnt it all the same? (Brother and two sisters)
4. Logan - snob. But hes confident
Cullen- cool

1. I think it was a very good set up
2. BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL
3. Holli is very...intense haaha
4. I want her to show them how to NOT fumble.

I love it already, being a HUGE baseball fan, and a girl (:

Hello there! Good chapter. :)

1. The second chapter was good. I thought it showed the development of the characters. You actually frame the scenes pretty well in terms of the level of detail, but it would be nice to see the right punctuation in the dialogue. There are links in my profile that give you all the rules. I really recommend that you check them out (and while you're there, you can read my story! Haha, just kidding).

2. Well, the story's just beginning so far, so I can't really give you a definite answer about Holli and Taylor. I think that requires some time and more chapters to really show their relationship.

3. Haha, I do have siblings. Big family. Sometimes we're best friends and other times we have death wishes. It all depends.

4. Hmm. Again, sorry my answers are so vague. I feel like I could give you a better answer if there was a little more. You're giving us the right amount for now though. I'm just saying that it'd be easier to answer the questions later. As far as first impressions go... I think you should've done more show instead of tell for Logan. For example, you didn't need to say "he oozed confidence and he knew it." You already show us that by having him stick his nose in the air. He's how you portrayed him: arrogant. Cullen: nice-ish. Brotherly figure.

I hope to see more soon! :)

Americans, not American's. =)

I liked this chapter, but I'm slightly annoyed that you left us hanging without talking about how the tryouts went. Chapters are too short! (This is a compliment as I want to read moremoremore). Holli and Taylor seem like good friends. They support each other, so that's good. I'm very close to my brother, he's almost 16 and I'm 18. We fight sometimes but we love each other. =) Cullen seems nice, I like him, he seems funny, but who's Logan? O.O

:) i love when you update!
1. i liked this chapter but it sorta was a filler chapter to me even though your still getting to know the main character and what she's all about.
2. the friendship between Holli and Taylor is amazing! they support eachother no matter what.
3. i have 4 siblings and a brother who was a foster kid. me and my brothers get along and somedays my sisters and i do too. i have a stronger bond with my brothers by far.
4. the first impression of Cullen and Logan-honestly it sounds like me...i have played on my team so long i have so much confidence i dont worry about try-outs.

**and if you havent check out my story its about baseball as well :)

I thought this was a awesome begining chapter! It really gets you into the story! I have played softball and baseball all my life and i love reading stories about it! Personally what i think should happen next is she does try-outs and she gets treated different b/c she is a girl. But when she does her try-out shes better than all of the guys and she outshines them. But then you need to add a spalsh of drama in there :) maybe have parents of the guys on the team go to the school board saying chicks cant play baseball or what not. But seriously keep writing!

Okay, I will definitely answer the questions that you have provided.

But first, a quick typo thing:

"She was way to dumb for her own good" -> "She was way too dumb for her own good."

I'm sorry, it's an unbreakable habit, I have to point out typos when I see them.

Now for the questions:

1. What did you think overall of this first short chapter? Likes, dislikes?

I definitely liked the beginning of the chapter best. It was perfectly written, very humorous, and did a great job of establishing Holli's character in such a short amount of space. From this intro, we can tell that she is probably great at baseball, is knowledgeable about baseball, has a sense of humor, can be sarcastic, and isn't afraid to state her mind. And all of that in about seven sentences! That's awesome.

The weakest part of the chapter was toward the end, I would say. It moved quickly and the conversation with Jarvis didn't end exactly the way that I wanted it to. I guess I was expecting more of an explanation for why Holli grabbed the flyer. I know that she mentions that she was surprised to hear herself saying that she would be at tryouts, but a few more sentences of explanation would help, I think. Is it because all of the girls are trying out for cheerleading and she wants to stand out or assert herself? Is it because she thinks she can win the championship?

2. Do you ever watch any sports? What are your favorites to watch/participate in?

I watch baseball occasionally, tennis VERY occasionally, and little other than that. But I know the most about baseball and, for some reason, I love reading stories about baseball. Maybe because it's simple enough to describe in a story, whereas if you're reading a story about a football game, the plays can get so complex that it's impossible to follow. But with baseball, all you need to say is "Homer" or "Strike" to convey action.

3. What do you think of Holli so far?

I like her. She seems spirited and I like the fact that she knows so much about baseball. It already makes her unique from most high school girls, not that there's anything wrong with girls who are cheerleaders or don't know about sports.

4. What do you want to happen?

I want Holli to join the team, but for a legitimate reason. (Make it plausible that she could play baseball with boys. Maybe the school district was sued earlier in the year for excluding a girl from the wrestling team and now the district policy is that sports cannot be separated by gender, or something like that.) I want Holli to fall in love with one of the baseball players, preferably Toby. Then I want there to be a conflict that puts Holli's feelings for Toby on the line - maybe it's the championship game and Toby is set to pitch and the coach wants to put Holli in instead, and Toby tells her that if she loves him, she'll let him pitch or something like that . . . obviously you have some ideas in your head so I'll see where those take you!