Ooh! This is good! I can't believe there isn't more after this! You should totally write more! This is the best story I've read in a while on here! I'm interested to know why the building's being constructed and what it will be used for. All of a sudden, I'm getting an image of a gas chamber like in the concentration camps during WW2 that they'll herd the Helots into. Countess Elizabeth would probably be that much of a sadist to do that. WRITE MORE! PLEASE!

Mercy's life sucks. As does Josiah's. They both are so unhappy in their lives. The only good thing they both have is their friendship. Which I'm hoping will later become love. And it sucks she can't break the engagement, although I believe she'll find a way to escape her marriage to Benedict. So good so far, you should definitely continue!

I like this. It makes me think of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and 'The Corpse Bride'. Sounds like something Tim Burton could make a movie out of! I like the names, too. Mercy, Benedict, Josiah... Well done! Names are important and I'm obsessed with characters having the perfect name and the names you gave your characters are more than perfect, they're classic. Love what you've done so far and can't wait to read more!

I liked the observation about the Duchess having her corset laced too tight. And this is the first time I've come across Ghoul's on fiction press!

This is interesting because you seem to have set this in a traditional gothic set up with a supernatural upper crust ruling over human peasants, but Mercy seems very modern. She also seems very certain that the situation is wrong - is there a specific reason for that? I'm guessing it's something to do with Josiah? Other wise it seems odd that she is already so enlightened despite the controlling nature of her aristocratic family.

You also concentrated on little details, like her skirt getting caught beneath the chair which really added an extra dimension to the background. On the other hand it felt like the chapter also jumped about quite alot. It moved very quickly from Mercy's home to outside to sally's home and it was hard to keep up.