 lizzical 2009-07-30 . chapter 1Hi. :) I really liked the way you wrote Kit's grief in this. I think i was very realistic, the way she shreded all the posters and ripped the animals and cried. It was really sad. The only thing I can think of to make it better would be instead of ending it with Sherry running into the house, maybe going back to Kit for another few lines. Because you started with now, you should probably end with now too, and bring the chapter to a full circle, if that doesn't sound too crazy. >.>
But anyway, that's just my thoughts. It's really good anyway, I'll definitely read whatever comes next.
-Lizzy |