 dragonflydreamer 2009-08-04 . chapter 1I like the tone and wording of this. It starts off pretty smoothly, but your language and sentence structure begin to deteriorate until the end and you can see how "annoying" she is.
The characters you managed to develop within this poem were great, too. You start off getting the reader to dislike the man with the lines "You aren't the kind of guy/who likes sharing a new day/with a one night lover, right?" and by the end you had me feeling sorry for him. The contrast within such a short piece was nice. It really felt like I had reached something new by the end.
[It's a ** who plays virgin,/It's a boy who doesn't care,/you're never alone in love.] I liked those lines the best. They were a strong center and a good turning point. |