This is great... hope you continue. )

Oh my goodness darling! :o)

I love it!

This chapter was amazing!

Keep updating Rose!

-BeachVamp ;p

Cool! and who are the spirtts? Update soon ASAP!

okay its not a bad story

but her eyes..at first u said theyre amber u said blue. so ..make up ur mind x3

and if i were u i would take off the 'then' at the start of the 4th paragraph. cuz it isnt that neccesary but if u keep it it wouldnt make much of a diffrance anyways :3

keep up the good work xD

wow! lovely on the descritons, and how the vampires are so sexy. (i think there normaly like that. I'll rathergo with Edward from better than meeting Dracula) Update soon ASAP!

I think you've done a good job setting up the story, but need to get the plot moving. It is hard to do in a writing format like fictionpress, but I think you've got a good baseline to go off of. Are the vampires going to stay evil, or turn good later? Is Kristopher going to keep it at bloodlust, or fall in love? Those are questions you have to ask early on in a vampire story, and work in that direction. I personally don't like when vampire goes love story, although that sounds like where you're going.

Marcie probably needs to come back in soon, or you'll lose the coherency of having her character introduced so early.

Good job with the details. Make sure you read through aloud so that you can fix repetitive words. And no matter what anyone says (me included), just keep writing.

I really like the descriptive detail!

Keep up the amazing work! :o)

-BeachVamp ;p

I like it! Its different than the usual vampire stories.

good you need to writ moor mabe carolin and her sitter could have powers they dont know of and he gets them but has a problem and thats why there blood tast so good.;/

Ohh! Vampire and a human! dangerouse but smoothly. Update soon ASAP!

OMG! I am SO glad you updated lovey! This chapter was so freakin' exciting! I can't wait to read more of it...when you have time cause lord knows when we have time with all our homework! Denali? lol That's nice!

Keep updating! PLEASE! POR FAVOR!

-BeachVamp ;p

Why is this in the fantasy section? This is more sci-fi. Put it with the other twilight-ers.

That was very interesting and your description of the girls terror was exquisite,

The dialouge here, howeer didn't really flow well. “You are mine now.”

“N-no.” She cried. “No! Who are you!”

I don't understand where the no came from. That was kinda wrong I thought.

Other than that I thought I was really well done.

I'll be reaing more

-EC from the review marathon (Link in my profile)

Wow! amazing. I felt like I was Carolina. Update soon ASAP!

Lol :o)

I like this so far

Keep updating rose!

-BeachVamp ;p