I think you're taking this whole thing too seriously. I kinda know how you feel because I was like totally wierd in highschool, did a lot of drugs and dressed like a freakshow. I had a lot of guy friends (some who I liked) who didnt think about me in a romantic way because of the way I was but...once your out of highschool everything changes. You lose touch with most of your friends, meet new people and figure out who you really are and what you want to do with your life. Its like...liberating being able to think back to the boys in highschool and laugh about how ridiculous it was that I even liked them. Good luck, and lighten up life gets better after highschool.