now i gotta give you a thumbs up! that was so freakin hilarious! i was laughing through the whole thing!

and you know, when you mentioned The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, it all fit together.

i've seen the show, and you know what, i hadn't laughed like that since that anime. this one-shot almost brought tears to my eyes.

plus, there's one typo: the coch thing.

Lol, the humour in this was great, I loved the fed up, sarcastic attitude of your main, as that's the kind of humour i admire. This was a fantastic idea too, because we all know how lame talent shows are. The contrast between Yuki's boredom and everybody else's excitement was hysterical, has to be said. Really, really enjoyed reading this. Shame there isn't more :)

-M.

Hey Otaku, this was pretty good. I tend to stay away from the 'humor' fics on this site so I was hesitant to continue reading. You established Yuki's voice nicely in this. I liked reading her thoughts, it gave me a good look at her personality. Haha I hate talent shows so this just brought back fond junior high memories...

oh man once this one chick was doing some hardcore lip syncing and I was just ripping on her in the audience real bad... turns out her mom was sitting right next to me filming her and she gave me a damn intense stink eye, like it bore into my soul hahah.

But anyway, your story... I'm not sure I'm feeling the names "Yuki" and "Mira". This is going to sound damn predictable coming from me, but yeah, stories that sound like they take place in America or anywhere other than Japan, that have Japanese names for the main characters... No. Actually, Mira sounds alright, Yuki doesn't. But yeah, try to stray away from that. Nice job on the rap, as I was reading it I was like ... "wait...that was on purpose."

Blah anyway I noticed a few errors/typos in this... sorry to point them out but I always freak out when I find typos and errors in my own writing. So here are the ones I noticed:

"Our gym -coch- then blew a whistle hanging -aroung- his neck"

Coach. Around.

"exclaimed Ms. Lettan, coming up from behind him, and shooing -his- off."

him.

“But to -repreat- what your coach just said, you all have worked extremely hard these past few months and here the day is!"

Repeat.

"and gave me pissed looks as they trudged -back stage-"

Backstage.

That's about it :P and to your author's note at the bottom: this wasn't bad, don't think so negatively.

Good luck in the WCC!

I really, really enjoyed this! I think you pulled off the humour side of it really well, without making it sound too staged or overdone.

I love the characters – especially the protagonist. The dialogue was very realistic, and the character development was great. A lot of the lines and thoughts made me laugh outright, or at least smile because of how relatable they were.

I also loved the rap you came up with – that was some serious treasure you had there xD The lines were just so incredibly related to the plot, while still managing to keep their teenager-ness and rhyme/rhythm.

The last line was a great way to close as well – it was witty and gave the story a general feel-good kind of ending.

Fab work – you had an awesome tie into the prompt as well – very refreshing. Good luck for WCC!

-Coke, from the Review Marathon

Overall I like the theme of originality. Yuki, and even Mira in her own way are both seeking out individuality and acceptance. Mira through her music, and then Yuki in (self expression stand-up?) I can’t think of the right word for it.

Your story was very well written, it flowed smoothly, and there weren’t any ruff spots that I noticed. Grammar was also well done, as well as the dialogue.

The only thing that I think could be improved were the shortness of the paragraphs. For some reason it really bothered me how short everything was, and I continually had to move on to the next paragraph quickly; it made the reading tedious at times. Might just be a pet peeve of mine. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.