Hahaha! This little child has squirrel vision it seems P. (meaning he gets distracted by shiny things xD). I actually quite liked it! When you switched lines and then talked about something else, I couldn't help but chuckle at picturing a little boy, and the thoughts running through his head while licking a delicious lollipop. Little childrens are funny P.

It was certainly different. But that's not always a bad thing. I quite liked it. Good use of describing words.

Keep writing :D

I actually LOVE the rhythmic tension in this poem, but I agree with your other reviewer; practice makes it even better!

Hey,

Yeah it was really confusing :P I kind of got the experimental gist of it, but maybe you should've put some dashes (those- -) after the half lines, just to make more sense with it. Nice try with it, keep experimenting, that's how you get better! :D

ranDUMM