I quite enjoy your story it's original and unexpected. Loving it...XD

Well, I think I can call this the first defining chapter in this story so far. Basically, I like the way you did Diana's unexpected reactions on the air ride. I truly think you can use this to further explore the depths of her character and develope her from there. Also, the part on the village was also a good outlet you've planned for her development as well. I was thinking when you will shatter her fantasy on Ivor. All in all, these two aspects of the chapter do have immense potential to drive the plot forward and develope Diana as a character.

If there's anything I can suggest here, it will be the fact that you will do good in doing chapters from Balendor and Flick's view. I don't think you're actually gunning for a single character's take in this story unlike some of what I've seen in other people's works so far since you've done a separate scene with Kara and Riley. In fact I do think that it will be ideal to do chapters like this since they will be the best outlet for the two characters' developments and explorations. Balendor seems to have a good potential to develope and explore as a character to me, but at the same time, don't ignore Flick unless you see her as an unimportant character. To be honest though, I don't know what to suggest on her character development and exploration since I don't really see much of her impact in the story. But all in all, good chapter here. Possibly the best you've done for this work. Now it's up to you to improve on the future chapters. :)

I can see the romance starting between Balendor and her. update soon!

He hesitated for one brief second before with a powerful surge of his wings, he launched them further in the sky. ~You should add a comma after "before".

The feeling was magical. With the wind pulling at her body and the scent of fresh air in her lungs, Diana felt utter and totally weightless. ~Utter and total are the same thing.

The wind flung her around like a toy, tossing an arm there, a leg there--and her body was helpless against the violent pull. ~The first "there" should probably be "here".

The ground rolled by like some dark untamed river while the moon rose like the sun overhead--washing the darkness with a light so bright it stung her eyes.

She wasn't ~The sentence just sorta cuts off there.

Balendor laughed again, so loudly that Diana could hear him clearly about the gust of wind that sucked all other sounds from the night. ~I think you mean "above" and not "about".

With groan, he allowed his wings to fold and took off hunching into the undergrowth. ~"With a groan"

Another good chapter. I do suggest though that you go back and look through it, since there are many missing words or letters throughout the chapter. Diana is now seeing proof of what Flick and Balendor said. I'm sure this will have a great impact on her. Interested to see what exactly that is.

I know the ** feeling of having my work being read, yet yielding nothing in return. Unfortunately, this is not something that can be solved in the entirety. Where there are human beings, there will be ** for sure. :( Okay, now onto the review. Basically, I'm hoping that I can get to see the entire extent of the truth. Too bad you chose to delay it. But I think what Flick has said here can have a good impact on the story where Diana is concerned. If you can do it correctly, I can see a good drastic developement in her on the cards. It will be interesting to see her trying to differentiate truth from propaganda. Already I can see minor signs of change in her here and I'm truly wanting to see more. All in all a good chapter albeit it's pretty short. But on the character department, this chapter definitely did a good job here. :) Now if only you can actually devote efforts to develope Balendor and Flick in the near run. ;)

"If it weren't for Flick, or that amulet in your head, I’d probably throw you from this cliff ace myself." -I think you mean "face" and not "ace". For some reason it almost comes off as a kind of unique curse word! ;)

You gave something, which is much better than nothing! It's enough to tide me over a while. But I can still hope more will be in the next chapter. Which I'm looking forward to reading. So far, this is a very good story. There are quite a few little spelling errors and such without, but nothing that isn't expected. Like I said before, I'm liking this one more than your others. Of course, that doesn't mean that your others are bad. Just that you are getting better as you work and you seem to be doing well taking your work in a slightly different direction. I like the characters and there is plenty to keep the reader wondering. Of course I like the slowly blossoming relationship between Diana and Belendor, since I'm into those thing. So I always like the little things they share.

Anyway, I hope you upload the next one soon. I'll be waiting!

"Flick!"
"It's working!" The fairy cried. "See!"
-Haha! Wasn't expecting that from Flick. But it does show the bit of young innocence she seems to exude.


Make that a glowing ball of light Flick held in her hand. Almost as if in a daze, Diana reached out her hand. -You use "hand" twice. Maybe change the first one to something like palm or something?

Oh, so they did not previously see the white hair.

She's cried since she's been captured too!

Nice ending. Now, time to get some more information!

He had offered her the best velvet chair in the room and spoke softly and simply so that she might understand the situation--but his eyes were anything but shrewd. -I think you mean to say that his eyes were shrewd yes? Because you are trying to say that he's acting all simple and soft, but behind those eyes is a shrewd mind. As you wrote it, it is saying that he's everything, except shrewd.

Okay, maybe you did mean it as you said! Then maybe you just want to lose the "but" in that sentence above. I would think Diana's father would have the very best looking for her, unless he really didn't wish to find her.

Kara tilted her chin so that he wouldn't see her roll her eyes and covered her face with her hands. "Oh please my lord! Just find my c-cousin!" -So is she just acting all sweet and innocent? She says she never could bring herself to hate anyone and now she's playing with this man and is now engaged to the man who was about to marry her cousin just days before.

That got her a rich tingling laugh and a flashing grin. "Come here Karri, I've missed you." -At first I thought maybe it was a nickname, but I'm pretty sure it's just a little spelling mistake, she he uses a nickname a little further on.

So, we see Kara in a bit of a different light. She obviously has a bit of her own deviousness inside her. After all, she's engaged to be married and is with another man (which is of course improper), played that poor lord. Kara is a nice girl, but she doesn't seem like she is necessarily as perfect as Diana believes her to be.

And of course it will be interesting to find out a bit more about Kara's and Riley's relationship, how he feels about her marrying another man, and a bit more about who he is and what it is he does exactly.

Just woke up, but I'll do my best to sound otherwise!

With a trembling finger, she pointed to the thick beautiful wings flexing in the damp cool air and said; "You lost your cloak." -Heh. I actually chuckled aloud after this line.
"Cloak..." -And again! :)

It's funny how she is always comparing everything to Kara. It really shows how she thinks of her cousin, as pretty much perfect, the one the compare everything to.

It's good that you take into account the size and weight of his wings. It makes it all the more realistic.

Maybe after a while of the cold, catching on fire might sound good so she could finally feel a bit of warmth ;)

As I was reading the last sentence, I was thinking that he could have wrapped his wings around them to blanket them and keep them warmer. Would be a good way to keep himself warm, a built in blanket!

These chapter lengths seem to be a good size. Maybe I should think of cutting mine down a bit!

Ah okay. So the dwarf is going to be payment. Guess that's one good reason to drag him all that way. But I doubt he'll be very happy with it.

"Shall we wait for your fairy to arrive before beginning the proceedings or shall we proceed?" -not too bad with it being "proceedings" and "proceed", but you still might want to think about changing one.

"You have no idea why your here are you? No idea of what treasure you carry around in this fragile mortal body of yours..." -"why you're here, do you?"

She's not having much luck, is she?

She couldn't even be murdered right. -That's a good one!

What about the stone? What was it? I wanna know! :) At least she had a bit of luck this time and got away.

Flick's words chose that moment to bounce around the inside of her skull: 'It's in your head.' - I like that line, I can clearly imagine being her and experiencing that.

How on earth could something become trapped...inside someone's head? -Haha! That's what I'm wondering too! I hope to find out!

"It was take me at least a while to delve around her brain first--" he paused to share a look with Balendor, who barely met his gaze. "See how far it's delved. -You use "delve twice, very close together (in my opinion, I'd change the second one since it seems a bit oddly placed). And it would sound better with out the "at least".

Look at him and you will never be yourself again... -I like the inclusion of that little thought. Bit of foreshadowing perhaps?

Very good descriptions of how she's feeling and what she's thinking.

Only two hands held her head suspended, cradled against a body that shook so much that her entire body trembled as well. -Body twice. Might be able to change the second one to something like "her entire core" or "her entire being" or something like that.

But Diana knew from the suppressed trembling that had her teeth chattering together, that he wasn't anything but. -"was", not "wasn't".

Did he look through her mind that quickly, or did it just seem quick?

The change from being with Docktore and then out in the hall was a bit abrupt. At first I wasn't sure what was going on. I thought that maybe he'd used some kind of magic to teleport her somewhere else as his payment. Then I thought maybe the dwarf was payment since Belendor suddenly stated that he had a dwarf. I thought maybe he was talking to Docktore.

Still, a good chapter. Now on to the next one. My hand is starting to hurt! :)

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention in my last one about how the man/cat's name is similar to "doctor", at least to me. Is there a reason for that? Or am I not pronouncing it correctly?

The moment he turned his back, she'd have the filthy wrench running for her life. -Another good one!

Hmm...the white hair part was interesting and of course the little girl staring. Did she see the hair? or something else?

It was nice to have a little bit of information on Balendor. Even if it was mostly gossip, we still got a bit of things to think about. Like what they mean exactly by half-breed.

good chapter update soon!

I bet she wished she didn't throw those slippers off the balcony now!

Revenge! So sweet!

Wait, I thought they left that guy back there, since there was not mention of them picking up the cage from what I can remember. Plus, wouldn't it have been easier to leave him?

I guess Balendor wasn't holding her tightly enough for very long, was he?

So, does the talisman only protect her from someone trying to kill her? Since Balendor can grab her and that kid can punch her?

Balendor and Diana's great dislike of each other is a sure sign of their eventual like for each other. After all, they do say that when a boy is mean to you, it's because he likes you! Haha!

It's interesting to have Diana on the other side of the fence now. Where she was looking down at them, now they are looking down at her.

"Is she some sort of toy?" The cat man began to pace back and forth, the edges of the back of his cloak twitching as if caught by an invisible wind."Oh Balendor. You know how much I love toys..." -Haha! Love it!

The romantic in me, the one that always looks for the love connections, can't help but notice the way he kept holding her waist, etc!

What she was left with, was a half shouting—half sobbing shriek that made Balendor clap a hand over his ears and glance around to see if they had been overheard. -Haha! I love that! I can so imagine it too!

So I guess that has to do with the Code of Maldor.

I know I said I'd try for more and this is probably even less...but I'm getting too involved and can't help it and there isn't too much that really needs to be pointed out. Maybe in the next one!