interesting I cant wait 4 the next chapter

Hm.. I like this!

There's something about the way you write that makes the reader believe they are truly inside the mind of a child. And the sex of the child is never given away - it's irrelevant. It seems to be such a simple, pure story of a child and a father out on a boat in the sea.

Your descriptions are lovely, not too detailed, but they give you room to imagine.

My favorite lines were:

"My father smiled his crinkly smile. 'Away,' he replied.

So we went away, until we were just a small dot surrounded by the horizons."

I especially loved the vague, eerie description of the fingers grasping a child's hand - there was so little description, but the concept is such a creepy one, a person's face below the surface of the water, grabbing a little child's finger...

My only complaint would have to be that you end the chapter in a rush. It goes from serene and tranquil to thunderous storm in a second - which, if that's what you were going for, is a good thing, but there wasn't a very fluid transition. It was just very fast.

Also, "I slipped into a the clichéd scenario of having my vision darken" - that entire line somewhat undermines your work. What before seemed confident seems a little less mature with that line. I'm not sure whether you understand the point I'm trying to get across - I guess I just don't think you need to mention that your character's black out is "cliché" - it takes away from your work.

Anyway, this was a nice piece, and I wish you the best of luck with it!

*Katie