|Reviews for the wandering stars|
| steffxnie 1/5/10 . chapter 1
'i drink misery from his eyes'
I really like this piece. It's beautifully expressed. I think the third stanza is not as effective as the others though. But very well done. Keep writing! :D
| bipedalcooney 8/30/09 . chapter 1
I'm not sure if I owe you a review for this from the Review Game, since someone else also reviewed my poem "Withering" at the same time you did, but oh well. Giving and getting reviews never hurts, right? ;)
I liked this, particularly because of the imagery. From the first lines, it is tangible and relatable, and I can feel what the "characters" in this poem are feeling in a distinctly physical way.
The mien of misery in the tone of poem is great as well. Very accurate in the sense that love is often followed closely by misery. The want for something better is very accurate as well- very human. You've addressed some great themes in this poem.
Great work, I liked this a lot! Keep writing!
| in theory 8/27/09 . chapter 1
I love the first two lines. "He holds silence between his lips" is such a simple, but powerful metaphor.
I like how you refer to the stars wishing on YOU, instead of the other way around, I guess even bodies of light have dreams!
Suggestions: I don't think you need the ellipsis in the second stanza. It seems to leave it hanging for no important reason. I'm not really keen on it being in the third stanza, but it does add a bit of drama. I think you could achieve the same effect by enjambment of "live" though.
Besides that I like the kind of randomness of the whole thing, it echoes the title in a way. Nice job :)
Review Game, Poetry - Easy Fix
| Isca 8/21/09 . chapter 1
"I drink misery from his eyes." Nice opening line. I like this line for two reasons. First, the idea that one can 'ingest' someone else's sorrow is quite profound - it's definitely a unique twist upon the idea that 'misery loves company.' Second, if the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the male in this poem suffers from a broken soul, so the fact that the speaker wants to ingest his pain suggests that she wants to feel his pain in order to be closer to him - perhaps she wants to help this man bear his emotional burden. That's very sweet and romantic. :)
"He holds silence." And, there you go, I can officially relate to the male character in this poem now. He and I share a love of silence. ;)
"The wandering stars wish upon our starlit forms." Hmm. I think that using two 'star' words kind of deters from the beauty of this line. I'd keep 'the wandering stars' part and change the word 'starlit' to something else. That's just a suggestion, though.
"A better tommorrow than ours..." I'd remove the ellipsis here and use a period or something instead.
"I want the fire to consume us." I love this ending - it's so commanding. :)
| tonight we bloom 8/18/09 . chapter 1
This is really beautiful.
I love the idea of drinking "misery" from someone's eyes,
as well as holding "silence" between lips. I think I had a line similar to that one in my poem "Summer."
I love the last two lines the most. It's beautifully written.
And about your author's note: I think the third stanza could be a little stronger. And I thought the "..." between "we an" and "live" in the third stanza was a little awkward too, but that's probably just personal preference.
Amazing work, you'll never cease to amaze me!
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